A woman's greatest need is security, whether she's growing up with her parents or living with her husband. She needs to know she is safe and provided for in every aspect.

What satisfies this need in a wife? It's only the protection and provision given by God through her husband. One of the ways a husband can meet this need is by communicating that he cares for his wife above anyone or anything except God.

When a woman senses that her husband is preoccupied or detached from her in some way, she will immediately feel insecure. She wants to know that her husband is tuned in to her needs and concerns.

In my years of counseling, I've learned that a woman knows instinctively when she isn't being cared for. This isn't always so apparent to men.

The best way a husband can determine if he is caring for his wife is to be direct: He should ask her about it. "Honey, do you feel provided for and protected? Am I caring for you properly?"

If her answer is no, then the man needs to listen carefully as she explains why not.

This can be a challenge for many men, some of whom are so preoccupied with trying to "get my wife off my back" and keep her from demanding too much that they rarely think about meeting her needs.

I like to compare it to the relationship between an employee and his or her employer. You want to get the most out of your job, and your employer holds the keys. If you work for a selfless and generous employer, you tend to feel secure and optimistic.

But if you work for a boss who is distracted, overly demanding or selfish, you lose any sense of security when you come to work. You don't enjoy it. All the fun and fulfillment can get sucked out of your job.

What would happen if your boss came up to you tomorrow and said, "You know, I've really been thinking about you lately. I wonder if there is anything I can provide for you to make your job more enjoyable. Also, am I paying you enough?"

You'd be stunned. How loyal would you be to an employer like that? How hard would you work for that kind of boss? What kind of effort and sacrifice would you put into your job in that kind of secure, nourishing atmosphere? That scenario is any employee's dream.

Of course, the employer-employee metaphor breaks down at some point-husbands: do not treat your wife as if she is your employee-but it's worth comparing the work environment to the home environment in terms of perception and security.

All husbands and wives long to live with a selfless, generous, caring spouse. This is especially true of women when it comes to their need for security. You cannot imagine the loyalty and love a woman will show a man who serves her and cares for her sacrificially.

Only by setting aside selfish needs can a husband and wife inject security into their marriage. When they do, their relationship will never be the same.

I have counseled many married couples who have had affairs. While affairs are always sinful and devastating to a marriage, men and women tend to engage in them for different reasons.

For men, an affair is often related to his need to be honored-a need which often expresses itself through a physical need for sex.

I have counseled many married couples who have had affairs. While affairs are always sinful and devastating to a marriage, men and women tend to engage in them for different reasons.

For men, an affair is often related to his need to be honored-a need which often expresses itself through a physical need for sex.

Very few women are tempted to have affairs for the sex. They have affairs because they meet a man who will talk to them and care for them. Women are turned on by men who compliment them and make them feel good about themselves.

The best insurance a husband or wife can possibly have that their spouse will never have an affair is by creating an atmosphere of praise and encouragement in their home.

A husband will feel honored by a wife who compliments him and admires him. A wife will feel secure with a husband who compliments her and shows her affection.

When these needs are met inside the home, the husband or wife will have no reason to look for them outside the home. It keeps them from wrestling with unnecessary temptations and fantasies.

How can you create this kind of environment? Here are a few simple rules:

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Be sincere. Say good things about your spouse that you really mean, and say them often.

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Say something about every area of her life. Men, don't just concentrate on how pretty your wife looks, though she does need you to affirm her appearance. Women, don't just tell your husband that he's good at his job. Praise him for his other qualities as well.

Compliment your spouse's mind, character, parenting, talents, and so forth. Tell each other how proud you are of various successes and strengths.

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Never use sarcasm. Never compliment your spouse in a backhanded manner. It isn't cute. Whether you mean it or not, saying things like, "Hey, you have a great body-under all that fat!" will damage your wife's spirit. Husbands are not immune from sarcasm either.

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Earn your words of correction. It is healthy to have the kind of relationship with your spouse where you can hold each other accountable. But you have to earn their trust in order to do so. For every one thing you correct or confront, give numerous compliments.

Your positive words don't just need to balance out any negative words; they need to outweigh them.

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Communicate love and respect through action, not just words. Send cards, flowers, or gifts. Be generous with backrubs or time with the kids. Do thoughtful things for one another. Serve one another in love.

Nothing fosters security in marriage like a home atmosphere of admiration and love. If you want to affair-proof your marriage, this is where you start.

Blessings,