Who or what do you expect to give you the most joy each day?

Here's a question I want you to think about and answer honestly: Take your time. Who meets your deepest needs? In other words, on a daily basis, on whom do you rely the most and to whom do you go first to get your deepest needs met?

All human beings seek satisfaction for four basic needs: Acceptance (knowing we're loved and needed by others), Identity (knowing we are individually significant), Security (knowing we are protected and provided for), and Purpose (knowing we have a reason for living).

We spend our lives trying to get these needs met by a variety of sources, including ourselves, spouses, friends, children, careers, churches, parents, God, money, material possessions-and any combination of these things. Often times we choose the wrong things to bring us happiness. Maybe they bring us short term joy but in the long run they do not continue to do that. If we make the wrong choice, we end up paying the price for that poor decision for a long time.

So who meets your needs? Because this is in a Christian Newspaper, you're probably looking at my list of possible sources above, and thinking: I know what I'm supposed to answer. I'm supposed to say that God, or Jesus, meets my deepest needs.

You're correct, of course. The problem is that most people cannot honestly give that answer. We want a "quicker and surer" method for satisfaction. Many move from job to job and place to place seeking fulfillment. Or we get married and expect our spouses to do for us what only God or Jesus can do. We look for our families and children to meet our needs.

But these are only diversions. They never satisfy.

The first thing you need to understand in order for your marriage to be healthy and strong is that no human being can meet your deepest needs. Only God can.

If you are operating within God's will, you can find a spouse who will encourage you and help you experience love in a real way. And that's wonderful. But even the most spiritual person on Earth is mortal, and therefore limited. When you put too much hope in a person, you are headed for disappointment.

May I suggest each party of the marriage should have a like sex prayer partner that you pray with, do a daily devotional with and chat with daily. This includes men and woman. The man needs another Christian man in his life that he meets with daily. This can be by phone which takes very little effort and should be first thing in the morning.

Every woman needs another Christian woman in her life that she too meets with for a little while each day. Again, this can be by phone for convenience or for lunch. Some do this five days a week and others may do this Monday's, Wednesdays and Fridays. The prayer partners should keep each other accountable to do the right things and have right reactions to things done to them or in their presence.

Many marriages end in disillusionment or divorce not because the husband and/or wife are evil or irresponsible, but because they enter the relationship with unrealistic expectations. They expect the other to meet their deepest needs.

The trouble begins when this doesn't happen. And here's the kicker: it never will happen. Never.

Because only God can meet our needs for acceptance, identity, security, and purpose. In John 6:35, Jesus says, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty."

Jesus has the ability to give us spiritual food and drink to satisfy our inner longings. He invites us to come to Him for true fulfillment and promises us complete satisfaction if we seek him.

So let's ask the question again: Who meets your deepest needs? How you answer may determine not just your spiritual health and emotional health, but also the health of your marriage.

Remember, just as you look forward to receiving some of these kinds of things from your spouse, also be a giver of these things to your spouse. Now that you know and understand the importance of these things be willing to give and you will receive. Have a contest between you and your spouse to see who can give the most. If you both are giving 100% plus each of you will have a happy wonderful marriage. You will also be modeling how to be a good husband or wife to your children and they will pass the lesson on to their children.

One of the greatest gifts you can give to your children is modeling how to love each other as a couple properly and that is a legacy they will never forget.