I'm 21, and am 1 of 4 siblings in my family.. My parents got divorced 11 years ago and ever since I could remember, my dad has had an anger problem. He runs a national business, he's very hyperactive, and loves to help people especially financially..

If you met my dad, he appears to be very nice and fun to go out with but you can't let him fool you. He would love to get a chance to help you in any way shape or form to "show off" What he's really doing is kind of setting a trap almost.. He has taken everyone in his personal life and bribed them with money and a job making it sound like the perfect lifestyle having lots of vacations and ect: but the thing is that he uses it against people in the future.

He feels that we don't give him what he deserves in return, so he gets angry, very angry. It's not just that, things make him mad but its that everything makes him mad. He's a perfectionist and if something is not done totally his way, he blows up. Once he blows up, he screams so loud, cursing, accusing, making fun of people, and threatens our jobs… he's the most controlling person I know.

If we mention anything about him getting mad or about how he needs to deal with stress differently, it gets worse. Nobody wants to try and help him because, we all work for him and are afraid of him. My brother who is almost 20 just got out of the hospital after 5 days suffering from depression and anxiety which I believe was caused by my dad, who has yelled at him all his life.

Since he got out of the hospital, my dad still yells at him and makes fun of him for his anxiety, calling him a loser, for not helping my dad with certain things. This is the worst thing someone can do to someone that is suffering from depression and anxiety; especially your son.

My dad is the scariest person on the planet. I start shaking every time he starts to call me on the phone or is on his way in to work. I think it's a mix of bi-polar disorder, anger management and anxiety.. My grandpa suffered from depression and was a very angry man in his younger years as well.

Somebody please help me and tell me what to do. How do we approach him with help? He's killing all of us slowly especially himself.. He's been the main reason why our family is growing further away from each other.

Please let me know what I have to do? I'm begging. I can go on and on about him and the things he does that makes me and the rest of my family crazy with fear. Please somebody respond!!

Welcome to Caring! I'm glad you joined us.

I know this may sound like some tough love, but there's an easy answer here. You've talked to your dad about his issues. You've attempted to guide him in getting help. If he's unwilling and/or not willing to recognize his issue, there is only one thing you can do to protect yourself. Leave the job.

If you or anyone in this situation, stops depending on the abuser, he can't hold that over your head. You know? It may seem hard to move away from working with him for various reasons, but it seems logical. Perhaps when your dad sees that his anger issues are pushing those he loves away, he'll realize getting help is important.

Keep us updated. And I'm also hopeful someone else will have specific advice regarding depression and anger management.

The thing is, is that I am closing on my first home next Friday.. If I was not closing on a house so soon, I would leave my job but now I'm just in a huge pickle. Before I had two choices.. I could either move out so that I could eliminate being with him half the time; or just get another job.. I chose to move out and buy my first house since I like what I do.

I don't have a degree in anything since he sucked me into his company right out of Senior High School. So I guess time will tell whether or not it will help that I'll be out of the house.. But if he ended up firing me from here then i would have more problems... It just seems like I have to worry about something no matter what since he's very unpredictable.

Congrats on your house! That's wonderful! And I can definitely understand why you'd choose having your own living arrangement rather than losing your job. Truthfully that sounds pretty win/win in the absence of another job offer.

I know this sounds far fetched, but have you ever thought about setting limits with your dad? I sometimes find that people behave badly because others allow them too. Do you think it's totally out of the question to calmly tell him he's out of line? And your answer may very well be "yep. He'll freak out even more." And I'm definitely a believer in picking your battles.

I probably haven't been of much help here, but hopefully someone else will have something brilliant to say

My heart goes out to you, I have a very controlling mother-and I have found that to prevent the pain for yourself and your other family members you will end up starting your own type of controlling and Codependence. I believe living with someone like this really does breed family illness. I would look into a good counselor for yourself. I always thought that Codependence was something about an Alcoholic in the family, it is not, you may not be struggling with Codependence but please take the take the time to read up on it, you are young and can save yourself and those around you alot of pain. Find someone who will Listen, small group or if you need to make an investment in counseling -- you are worth it. Your hurt and anger needs to be put to words so you can detach from your Dad's emotions and anger and you can find a way to be stable. I would also recommend the book "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, I found it very helpful. I don't know it this helps but i Wish you the best.

Hi Collin,

First of all, ALL YOU NEED IS SOME ROOMMATES TO HELP PAY THE MORTGAGE... Maybe you should consider renting out some rooms in the house and charging a reasonable amount for utilities on a per bedroom square footage basis. That way, you can keep the house and consider your options from there. Personally, I'd continue to work part-time and start back to school part-time, but that is me. It is never too late to go in a new direction. Also, whatever your father's business is, the experience you've gotten working there should help you find a new position elsewhere. Just don't ask him for a reference.

I had a nasty abusive father. I got in my car, left the east coast, and drove as far as I could. If I could have driven to Hawaii, I would have. But I built a new life in California - with no regrets. The most important thing about being distanced is that when I married and had children, my Dad was not allowed to be a part of their lives.

Get away while you can...

Collin,

I recently took an anger management course. My wife was abusive and the last time I had to call the police, they arrested both of us. The States attorney was tough and although I was not guilty and the evidence showed that He wanted me to take that course if he was going to drop the charges on me. I did not want to take the course but did. I was surprised in a positive way about the many things I learned from that and how it actually taught me some very important things. You can purchase one for your dad. If you leave the company, he can take it on the Internet in his spare time. It will only cost you about a hundred dollars and he will be a better man for taking it. You can find the course on this site.