When you're a fat kid, you nearly die of embarrassment on your first day of seventh-grade gym class, because there's always some thin kids who believe their mission in life is to provide a play-by-play commentary of your getting dressed and undressed.

When you're a fat kid, you try to get out of going to family reunions so you don't have to listen to relatives joke about how you've grown-out rather than up!

When you're a fat kid, you hate going swimming with the opposite sex, because you know their looks and laughs will destine you to live in a monastery as a celibate, whatever that is.

When you're a fat kid, you can look forward to being a fat adult, because the world seems to excuse his rolly pounds, or at least it doesn't pick on old fat people like it picks on you.

When you're a fat kid, you hurt more on the inside than you do on the outside.

You see, I'm an "expert" on this subject, because I was a fat kid. In fact, I remember most of my youth being referred to as "that fat kid!" Besides my own personal experience, I've worked with many overweight teens during my ten years in youth ministry. I'm convinced that few things in life feel more traumatic than being a fat teenager.

Did I survive? Yes, thanks to my parents! If you have a son or daughter with a weight problem, please read on. My parents did some of the right things and so can you. Here are some suggestions on how you can help your overweight teen:

1. Understand the physical reasons for obesity. "When an overweight condition is caused by excessive deposits of fat in the body, it is defined as obesity. A person is obese when body weight is twenty percent above the recommended weight for age and height. Obesity has two causes: faulty metabolism, which fails to process food into the basic elements the body can use for energy and growth (this accounts for less than three percent of obesity problems); and unrestrained eating. If you take in more calories than you burn up by expending energy, your body stores the extra calories as fat. One pound of stored fat equals approximately 3,500 calories. Every calorie (a unit of heat) consumed in food is either burned or stored. The more calories we store the more fat we accumulate and the more obese we become" (Virginia Rohrer, "How to Eat Right and Feel Great," Group magazine, February 1980, p. 31).

2. Understand the psychological reasons for obesity. Not all psychologists agree on why people get fat. Some possible clues, however, are found in Eric Berne's book, Transactional Analysis, in which the psychologist talks about the three psychological persons that we all are: the "Child," the "Parent," and the "Adult." The "Child" in us keeps some of our irrational thinking as we grow to maturity. Food represents security, warmth, comfort, and helps the Child to overcome anxieties and other uncomfortable feelings. Often we continue to use food as a symbol of security and gratification. As a result, many overweight youth blame their parents for their plight. Psychologists point out that this reasoning is a person's irrational self (the Child) trying to say that he or she is merely a victim of circumstances. This attitude of helplessness stimulates the impulse to eat when facing emotional trauma. The more we eat, the more we gain; the more we gain, the worse we feel, the worse we feel, the more we eat…

The "Parent" in us is the mental conditioning that we received from our parents while growing up. It was important that we ate everything on our plate and when we did, our parents beamed! This is using the pleasure-pain principle-rewarding us for eating, withholding approval for not eating. "No vegetable? Then no dessert." The "Child" in us responded by associating eating with reward.

The "Adult" in us evaluates all the facts and does not go by feelings, as the "Child" and "Parent" attitudes do. An overweight condition may affect a person psychologically. The "Child" in a person may want to solve all problems by eating. The result is cyclical and worsens health. On the other hand, an "Adult" perspective would say, "No one made me fat, and no one can make me thin-but me" (Henry C. Pucek, Group magazine, February 1980, p. 36).

3. Affirm your teenager with your love and acceptance. As a youth, I remember a family that was visiting our church one Sunday. The father introduced his two thin children by name only, but when he came to his overweight junior higher, he said, "This is our little fatty, Bill. There's lots of him to love!" Being an overweight junior higher myself, my heart ached for him as I watched him die a slow death of embarrassment. The quiet look in his eyes shouted out his doubt about his dad's love and acceptance for him.

It made me so thankful for parents who never ever put me down because of my weight, either publicly or privately. In fact, they complimented me in front of others and alone. I can't tell you how many times my parents told me that they loved me, accepted me just the way I was, and would always be proud of me. Believe me, this created the atmosphere in which I could begin to deal with my weight problem.

4. Affirm your teenager with God's love and acceptance. Because I trusted my parents, I began talking with them about my weight problem. Their love and acceptance helped me realize that God made me special, that I was indeed "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Ps. 139:14). I started accepting the things about myself that could not be changed and I began believing that God would give me the courage to change the things that could be changed, like my weight! This was a major breakthrough for this eighth-grader who was five-foot-three and weighed 162 pounds at the time.

5. Let the child own the weight reducing plan. You may try to force your teenager to go on a diet, but effective results will come only if he or she wants to change. I owned my decision to lose weight and willingly gave my parents the opportunity to help and encourage me. I knew they would encourage me for my sake and not for theirs.

6. Encourage and encourage some more. Your overweight teenager knows about his or her problem without being reminded or reprimanded like a training coach shaping someone up. As parents, you can encourage in a variety of ways:

*Arrange for a checkup with your doctor for a well-devised, safe reducing plan.

*If your teen's weight problem is severe, look into professional counseling or weight loss camps. Check with your doctor or the American Camping Association.