With nearly 14 million single custodial parents raising their children alone, single parenting stories are not uncommon in the United States. However, with so many different avenues by which single parents become single, a great many myths and assumptions continue to exist about the single parenting community. The following single parenting life stories, submitted by our readers, provide a glimpse into the realities behind the http://singleparents.about.com/od/legalissues/p/portrait.htm rise in single parenting.
When my son Jimmy was just six-months old, my fiance and I split. He'd battled with a long-time addiction to prescription pain killers and I finally realized there was nothing I could do anymore. My son was my biggest priority, so at the tender age of 22, I packed up my stuff and became a single mum.
~Nikki Taylor
I have been a single parent since my daughter was born, over 8 years ago. I was 20 when I had her, and had no idea what I was doing. Fortunately, I had the support of my parents, who let us live with them for the first few years, which really helped us out financially, as I was a sole support parent. However, this created an added challenge, as my parents and I have http://singleparents.about.com/od/parenting/tp/different_parenting_style... . However, we all managed to survive.
During the time I was living with them I went to college, got a diploma in administration, and now have a job I enjoy at a local university. My daughter and I have a great apartment, and I am now back at school part-time, working on an undergraduate degree in English (something I've always wanted to do) with plans to teach in the future. It hasn't been easy, and I have made a lot of mistakes along the way, but with patience, determination and support (from wherever you can get it) I believe anything can be possible!
~Rachel H.
I am 29 with kids ages 8 and 10. Their father, by choice, is not involved with them, so I am really, really, flying solo. We've faced many issues, including: job losses, the loss or lack of adequate child care, scheduling, and school issues. So many things, it seems.
After being laid off a second time (once in August '07 and then again in January '08) I decided to go back to school full-time to complete my degree. It's a little bit of a roller coaster ride, and we've had to temporarily give up some luxuries, but it's working.
One of the things I did to help my kids cope was get them involved with http://www.bbbs.org/site/c.diJKKYPLJvH/b.1539751/k.BDB6/Home.htmwhich has been excellent.
~Nikki
I used to be a party girl, but the moment I got pregnant with my oldest child (who's three now), I got clean and sober. For awhile, my boyfriend did, too, but it didn't last. Before I knew it, I was pregnant again, and he was back to the party lifestyle.
I became a single parent about a week after our youngest son was born, and my boyfriend was eventually locked up for drugs.
Of course, it's been hard. It's hard to date, hard to pay bills, and even hard to keep my sanity at times! But I've pushed through, and things are finally looking up.
One of the things that I'm really proud of is that I've found an inner core of strength that I always thought was missing in me. It was there, but it was buried, and now it's out for the world to see!
Being a single mother to my three children has been very hard on me. I'm the process of separating from my spouse, and my children and I have lost everything, including our home and our car. But I'm proud to say that we are beginning to regain our emotional stability.
It hasn't been easy, and I do not have a big supportive family. In fact, I have no one but myself and my children. I also work full time and have a long commute.
One accomplishment that I'm really proud of so far is that I've stuck with counseling, for myself and my children, which has been really helpful.
~Dannielle
I thought marriage would heal the disappointment and doubt that plagued my adolescent years. When it didn't, I turned to heavy bouts of drinking. After years of wallowing in my own self-pity and loathing, I sought counseling and worked on co-dependency, anger issues, and self esteem. At the same time, I also quit drinking! Finally, I began to face my future with determination.
However, when my therapist recommended that my husband and I seek marriage counseling, my husband was not interested. His response was "If you're not happy, then you know where the door is." At that point I knew that our journey together had ended.
With a six-year-old son and a two-year-old daughter by my side, I returned to Pennsylvania, where I grew up. With my mother's support, I became a stay-at-home working mom and to built a successful home-based business.
It wasn't easy. We lived in a seventy-two foot, single wide trailer. Meals consisted of TV dinners or macaroni and cheese, and child support was very sporadic. In addition, we incurred the extra expense of being in and out of the courts over a period of many years.
However, our sense of peace and love for one another made those times more than worth it! Eighteen years later I'm still single, still sober, and have a successful business. Through God's faithfulness and grace, we not only survived, but we thrived. If I can do it by the grace of God, so can you. There is joy in the journey, and life is good!
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I became a single parent via foster care. My daughter was 5 months old--a preemie--and she had several health problems. In addition to caring for her needs, I struggled with the ups and downs of the foster care system until I was able to officially adopt her at the age of 3. She is now 7 years old, and she is much healthier.
Looking back, it was very hard to juggle work and day care, along with a child who was sick more often than she was well. There were many sleepless nights, but I'm happy to say we've come a long way!
~Mary Sullivan
My story may be a bit different than other single parents in that I knew from the beginning that I would be doing this alone. By the time I hit my mid-30's and had not found the person that I wanted to marry and share my life with. I had always wanted to be a mom, however, and knew that biological clock was ticking away. So I made the choice to become a single parent by adoption. I still hope to find my soul-mate at some point, but in the mean time I am loving being a mother of a beautiful little girl.
I grew up surrounded by babies and small children. However, being a parent was a huge adjustment for me and much harder than I ever thought it would be. I often say that I was a much better parent before I had children! I find myself saying and doing things that I never thought I would say or do.
My first parenting challenge was traveling to a third world country alone, and--after two days on many airplanes--being handed a baby only a couple of hours after arriving at my destination. Two weeks later, we were home in the US and started our lives together as a family.
Another huge challenge for me was adjusting my lifestyle. After years of being on my own and doing what I wanted, when I wanted, I was now responsible for another little person who was dependent upon me for her every need, 24 hours a day. In addition to that, she also didn't like to sleep, and I needed more sleep than ever.
I found that my friends, who were very excited throughout my journey, didn't come around as much after my daughter came home, and I didn't have the time or energy to go out with them anymore. My priorities shifted. After working all day, I wanted and needed to spend time with my child. Now, being in my 40s with a preschooler, I find myself forming friendships with others who have young children, and most of these women are younger than I am. People my own age have children who are either getting ready to leave the nest or are already out on their own.
~Jan
