Jay Kesler

QUESTION: Is it scriptural for a woman to be the breadwinner while the husband stays home with the children? Could this perhaps be the "field" referred to in Proverbs 31:16? Two years ago I postponed entering medical school in order to raise our first child, and now after the birth of our second I find myself considering the possibility of reapplying to medical school. I love mothering but I can see that God could make good use of me in the medical field. We have agreed that we don't want our children raised outside the home, so during this training period my husband would postpone his teaching career to stay in the home while the children are young. This is a big decision which could mean serious changes in our careers and in our roles as parents.

I often get up in the morning and ask my wife how she is doing on that verse in Proverbs. Did she sell any land and make any profit before I got out of bed, because I think that is an excellent idea!

Actually, the Bible gives many illustrations of strong, capable women in influential positions. Jesus and His disciples were supported by wealthy women. Lydia was a business woman. Priscilla shared a team ministry with her husband, Aquilla. Deborah was the leader of all Israel in the time of the Judges. To think that the Bible-time woman was endlessly oppressed by her husband and society is to simply misunderstand the culture.

Thus in Scripture I don't see any prohibition to the woman being the chief breadwinner. But by the same token, I believe this should be a mutual decision made by two very mature people. The woman has to examine her real reasons for going to work. You say God could use you in the medical field. Frankly, I think the idea of the work force out there just panting for new people is a bit of a myth. There are more people now in most fields than are actually needed. The big question is how to find enough activity, enough jobs for all of them. Now I'm sure in your particular profession of medicine, good women doctors can be greatly used of the Lord. But more often when the woman is saying is, "Society has so used me, so worked on my psyche that I don't have any self-worth unless I am out doing something in the professions. Homemaking, being a mother, has no value whatsoever. That is something you do out of your hip pocket. I will only have value if I work in the real world."

Recognize that self-worth is imputed by God; it doesn't come by performance. So if your chief motivation for working is to fulfill your self-worth, you'd better reexamine your priorities because you won't find what you're looking for. But if your motivation is rooted in a higher calling, this could be a very fine opportunity for both you and your husband. One further aspect to consider is that your husband will have to face the emasculating position of being caught with his apron on during the daytime by his friends. Now I know that the textbooks say not to worry about this happening. But in fact, I can point to many couples where the man has begun to act very strangely because he feels that somehow he has been discounted. Our society also implants subtle messages within us that say, "A man should support his family."

The ingredients to a proper decision are maturity, forethought, prayer, and mutual consent. I think for a temporary period, while you finish your career training, this arrangement can work. I know the Lord will help you if you bring Him into the middle of it.