When our children were born, I recall being shocked at how much it cost for the laundry, diapers, bassinette, baby clothes, toys, and baby-sitters. We somehow developed the notion that expenses would lessen the older they got. How wrong we were!
When teens reach high school age, you can look forward to additional school fees and supplies, more expensive clothes, and more activities such as ball games, plays, concerts, and movies. You will also need to make decisions about furniture, athletic gear, music lessons, cars, class rings, senior pictures, yearbooks, graduation announcements, parties, dates, camps, retreats, college, and possibly even marriage.
Whether or not you have a tight budget, it is good to teach your children how to live on a budget and be frugal with what they have. From the start, you must distinguish between their needs and their desires. The less you cater to their desires and wants when they are younger, the easier it will be when they reach adolescence. "Treats" should be more the parents' idea than the children's.
Training in this area should begin when the children are infants. Work toward helping them have a simple lifestyle and a non-materialistic attitude. Don't give in to their begging or they will expect you to do so consistently.
When our children, Deanna and Jeff, were young, they often went to the grocery store with us. It wasn't long before they learned to point to their wants and desires. It is our belief that our resistance to their pleas many years ago coupled with the positive teaching which we gave them about money was responsible for the present healthy attitude which they have toward financial matters in their teenage years.
From the beginning, we encouraged them to bring their friends to our home, rather than playing at theirs. This kept them more satisfied with their own toys rather than coveting so much after possessions of their friends. This also kept them more under our supervision instead of under the control of other parents with different values.
Among the values we taught were that good times don't have to cost much. We played games and went on family outings, picnics, nature hikes, drives to the country or the park, visits to relatives, and had long talks. We might spend an entire evening playing "hide and seek" or reading a book or playing a board game. The overriding philosophy here is to emphasize "experiences rather than things." We spent our money on trips rather than new cars or the latest appliance or gadget or piece of furniture.
We taught them the common sense of waiting to receive something good by anticipating an activity and imagining how much fun it would be once the time finally arrived. We often took pictures of our activities so that we could look back on them with fond memories.
We invested our money in "growth activities" rather than wasting it on instant gratification. This included church, youth group activities, concerts, museums, and meetings. We attempted to expose them to as many people with our values as possible. As they have grown older, we have taught them to resist some peer pressure. For example, Deanna, who is a high school senior, has often gone with her friends to a fast food restaurant near her school. After we pointed out to her how much she was likely to spend in a month's time, she began drinking water-even though her friends ordered substantial amounts of food and drink. After all, she was paying for what she ordered.
Gifts at Christmas and on birthdays should be kept inexpensive but meaningful. In the early years, we especially relished all the homemade gifts, cards, and notes Deanna and Jeff would give us. They knew and we knew it was the thought that counted. Don't make the mistake when the kids are young of setting a precedent that you can't live up to once they become aware of how much things cost.
When our children were young, we bought them good used furniture for their rooms. We upgraded it as they grew older. Lois is very handy with the sewing machine and was able to remake many hand-me-downs and make most of the clothes for the family, including Art's dress pants and sport jackets. Since she started working outside the home three years ago, she no longer has time to sew extensively, but she's still the best bargain hunter in town. We taught our children discrimination in shopping. We buy irregulars or a defective piece of clothing for half price, and Lois repairs it so you can never see the defect.
Lois also has a knack for keeping the food budget way below average-even with two teenagers and lots of entertaining. We don't buy junk food, and we regulate what can be eaten when. From the beginning, we taught Deanna and Jeff to like a variety of foods to the point that today they have only two or three foods that they dislike. Furthermore, we didn't overfeed them when they were young, so they now seek to maintain the proper weight. Lois has taught them to cook from scratch so that they can prep good, balanced meals for themselves. They have also prepared their own school lunches for years-looking forward to the "treat" of buying their lunches at school three times each month.
When our children were small, we avoided eating out in restaurants more than once a month. When we traveled, we always packed a cooler with food which lasted a day and a half rather than eating in restaurants.
We have given our children an allowance since the time they started school. Art has taught them budgeting and we had a requirement that they should tithe ten percent, save twenty percent, and spend the rest with certain guidelines. Our policy was that we bought their necessities and they took care of their wants, gifts, etc.
We tried to avoid coming across to our children as a bank-always doling out money as if there were an endless supply. When Deanna and Jeff were old enough to understand, we explained our own income sources and household budget to them. This is invaluable because they appreciate so much more why you can't buy them a car or a stereo or a computer, etc.
In addition, our children stay so busy with music lessons, school, church and Youth for Christ activities, homework, and household responsibilities that they have very little time to shop or browse in stores. Staying out of stores keeps temptation to a minimum for all of us.
In family meetings we have deliberately agreed in advance who would pay for gas, dates, parties, outings, camps, and conferences. We have often helped our children find ways to earn their way to certain functions by selling candy, coupon books, and magazines, or through baby-sitting, paper routs, or doing odd jobs. We prepared them well in advance for the fact that they shouldn't expect to have everything their peers have, such as a car at age sixteen, or a drum set, or a synthesizer, etc. They both want to attend a Christian college, and that's reason enough to pinch every penny we can.
As with discipline, if you lovingly but firmly control the purse strings while your children are young, you will remain in the driver's seat during their teenage years.
