When my son was 13, he established a new relationship with his father and started questioning Christianity. He started spending alternate weekends with his dad, and would return as a carbon copy for a couple of days. His dad had become a self-made success. His dad instilled an ethic of pride in my son and encouraged him in all things. This was good for the timid side of my son; he was playing sports and excelling in things like student government at school.
It was during this period that my son began questioning Christianity and doubting his faith. The simple message no longer worked for him -- he started challenging everything from an intellectual basis. I had our family change to a more youthful, Bible-based church, and I focused my daily prayers on protecting my son from evil influences.
God's Warning. . .
For when you have become full and prosperous and have built fine homes to live in,
and when your flocks and herds have become very large
and your silver and gold have multiplied along with everything else,
that is the time to be careful.
Do not become proud at that time and forget the LORD your God. . .
(Deuteronomy 8:12-14 http://www.allaboutgod.com/truth/deuteronomy-8.htm)
About this time, the family foundation wavered. We had built a school publishing business and lost it to our major creditor. We traded our house for a 41-foot sailboat, and lived aboard to fulfill one of my husband's life-long dreams. I found a school essay by my son basically entitled "I'm bringing myself up." Needless to say, family stability was shaking at an inopportune time for my son.
My son wanted to exercise an increasing amount of independence, so I let him. I let him experience worldly ideas and make his own decisions. I let him pick his music and peers. He traded summer church camps for a buddy's fishing cabin in Northern California. As my son was questioning Christianity, I let him explore. I trusted God.
Trust. . .
Trust him and He will help you. (Psalm 37:5 http://www.allaboutgod.com/truth/psalms-37.htm)
Bible Margin Note. . .
Trust, trust, trust, and obey!
Free Will
By 15, my son had completely stopped going to church. He didn't want to be a "hypocrite." He always had a reason to leave the house during our weekly Bible study. He said, "Don't you know you have surfing druggies in our house?"
God loves us so much that He gives us free will. I gave my son free will. God gave me a promise during the foundational years -- "Bring up a child in the way he should go, and when he is grown he will not depart from it." Therefore, as hard as it is to step back, I knew I had done my part. I knew that my son had to find a personal relationship with God on his own.
Hope. . .
God is our hope and promise. He is in control and He does perform miracles. We are part of His family and He does love us. Even when we are in serious trouble, we do not need to be afraid, but just trust Him. He is concerned about our daily needs, as well as our problems. He can see the big picture and knows what is best for us. We need to rest in Him, obey Him, and seek His will daily through prayer and reading the scriptures. God looks at our hearts. Our problems can bring us closer to God and heal our hearts, so we can reflect His light and love to others.
Although I took a few steps back during this period, I still maintained contact. I kept certain boundaries in place. I continued to lead by Christian example wherever I could. His father wanted to send our son to an East Coast prep school. I won this debate with his father, and kept him around for a few more crucial years. I obtained a master's degree during this period. That process set a good example for my son, and extended our kitchen counter study sessions for a few more formative years.
For My Son. . .
Carry out my instructions;
don't forsake them.
Guard them,
for they will lead you to a fulfilled life.
(Proverbs 4:13 http://www.allaboutgod.com/truth/proverbs-4.htm)
Positive Thinking
At 16, my son was a full-fledged member of the "religion" of positive thinking and success. He started working summers for his dad on the construction sites. His dad expected and received hard work and responsible behavior. His father gave my son a car (it was a "company car" for justification), and that allowed my son to travel more freely and regularly to his dad's. He outfitted my son in the best clothes, helped him win the election for student body president, and helped him achieve "outstanding teen" of our County. "You can do anything you put your mind to," his father always said. My son started getting college applications for top East Coast schools.
During this period, I attended a great deal of counseling with my second husband. We separated for a year. Only after his classic car business failed, did he return to the home. My son had issues with his stepfather's return, but dealt with him as a "younger brother," saying that he now had a father image and he didn't need another.
I was staring down the barrel of a second failed marriage. As a Christian, I was looking at repeating my biggest failure in life. In addition to Christian support, I looked for emotional support in the form of positive thinking and expression. I attended John Robert Powers and Dale Carnegie courses. I was just trying to cope.
Remember His Sufficiency. . .
During difficult times, our human instinct is to turn from God and focus on self-sufficiency. Of course, as Christians, we know that these are the times to draw closer to God and ask for his daily sustenance. These are the times for prayer -- constant prayer.
I prayed daily for my son's soul. At this point, I also started praying very specific prayers for his future wife, and that my son "would be a great man of God."
True Love. . .
For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD.
"They are plans for good and not for disaster,
to give you a future and a hope.
(Jeremiah 29:11 http://www.allaboutgod.com/truth/jeremiah-29.htm)
True Possibility. . .
Jesus looked at them intently and said,
"Humanly speaking, it is impossible.
But with God everything is possible."
(Matthew 19:26 http://www.allaboutgod.com/truth/matthew-19.htm)
Fear Not
Through a series of events, my son decided to attend Georgetown University, a Jesuit college on the other side of the country. I was sad and excited at the same time. He was far away, but he was also somehow connected -- at least Georgetown would expose him to some "mandatory" religion courses and keep him in a formal association with God.
My son leaving for college marked a dramatic season in my life. In one month, I lost my son, my second husband (affairs and communication breakdown finally led to divorce), my house (as part of the divorce), and my dog (new apartment didn't allow pets, so he moved in with my mother). As a teacher, I also changed schools and grade levels. I was in disarray -- so I started seeking God's plan for the rest of my life. As part of my prayer time, I started writing letters to God.
Dear Heavenly Father. . .
I need your solace and peace in this difficult situation. I feel so worthless and ineffectual, yet I feel a wisdom, and a patience, and a lack of self-pride, which must come from you, as I can't claim it as mine. I wish I could see your plan for our lives. Everything looks so hopeless now. Please guide me. What do I need to do?
You and your world are so great, and I am so small -- who am I that you care, but you do. I feel your care, and I'm so thankful. I know you have a wonderful plan for my life. Please open it one day and one step at a time -- and keep me from getting in the way.
Thank you for your word today about King Solomon asking for wisdom. Help me to see how I should ask so that I may improve during this crisis and not fall victim to the world and my worldly desires. Be with Randy and help me explain things to him. Keep him in your paths. Give me wisdom to continue guiding him in your way. Thank you for your hand on him thus far. Thank you for letting me have him for awhile.
Dear Nancy. . .
Wait on me, and my timing.
Don't be afraid to be alone.
I'll be with you. I love you!!
I Am With You. . .
Don't be afraid, for I am with you.
Do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you. I will help you.
I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.
(Isaiah 41:10 http://www.allaboutgod.com/truth/isaiah-41.htm)
Power of Prayer
My relationship with my son during college became "friends." I would send him funny cards almost daily, and visit at least once a year. I learned quickly to avoid topics related to "religion." My son looked for any opportunity to flex his debate skills, and I was not equipped to deal with his hard, intellectually based positions. So, again, I just loved him and prayed for him. I was happy with the peer group he found at college. A self-described "work hard - play hard" set of about 10 guys, most of which were from large, stable, East Coast Catholic homes. Indirectly, it was a great influence on my son. Wouldn't you know it; I began dating a Catholic during this period, and attended Catholic Church for about a year during our courtship.
My son returned to California for law school. It was nice to have him closer, but it was a difficult three years. He had his first real relationship, and she was "all wrong" for him. He really got beat up emotionally. Physically, he was also challenged during this period, when he was diagnosed with a malignant melanoma on his back. He was very independent during this period, and didn't even tell me about his cancer until weeks later. He was almost acting as a "martyr" in ways. He was too thin, and I was concerned.
So I continued to turn him over to God in prayer, often up to four times a day. I continued my prayer for salvation, and a Godly wife. I also added a prayer of healing.
Heart of Prayer. . .
Now hear my prayer;
listen to my cry. (Psalm 88:2 http://www.allaboutgod.com/truth/psalms-88.htm)
Faith of Prayer. . .
Then Jesus told them, "I assure you, if you have faith and don't doubt,
you can do things like this and much more.
You can even say to this mountain,
`May God lift you up and throw you into the sea,'
and it will happen.
(Matthew 21:21 http://www.allaboutgod.com/truth/matthew-21.htm)
Power of Prayer. . .
Worry can do a lot of things to you;
Prayer can do a lot of things for you.
God's Promises
By the end of law school, my son had finally removed himself from the bad emotional situation with that woman. He was also healed physically, as he received a clean bill of health from his oncologist after treatment. By a series of events, my son took a job at a big law firm in Orange County. He was now only 20 minutes away.
At 25, my son was on top of his game. He was blessed with secular success. I was very proud of his accomplishments, but I wished we had more in common. Although he was now close in proximity, we had very little to talk about. I was still very careful to avoid substantive discussions about Christianity. To the best of my ability, I continued to witness through my life. I continued to pray diligently. I saw God's promises at work that strengthened my son and brought him closer to "home." God was doing things here, so I focused my prayer and asked the Holy Spirit to continue as the "choreographer" of my son's life.
Hope in the Lord. . .
Have you never heard or understood?
Don't you know that the LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of all the earth? He never grows faint or weary.
No one can measure the depths of his understanding.
He gives power to those who are tired and worn out;
he offers strength to the weak.
Even youths will become exhausted, and young men will give up.
But those who wait on the LORD will find new strength.
They will fly high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.
(Isaiah 40:28-31 http://www.allaboutgod.com/truth/isaiah-40.htm)
Another Reminder for My Son. . .
And how do you benefit if you gain the whole world
but lose your own soul in the process?
Is anything worth more than your soul??
(Matthew 16:26 http://www.allaboutgod.com/truth/matthew-16.htm)
Another Reminder for Me. . .
And we know that God causes everything to work together
for the good of those who love God
and are called according to his purpose for them.
(Romans 8:28 http://www.allaboutgod.com/truth/romans-8-2.htm)
God's Blessings
After 10 years of "courtship," I married my third husband, Bob. A couple of months later, my son married his wife, Debra. She was a direct answer to prayer. She was a beautiful, loving communicator. She was a Christian, but not so committed as to scare my son away. They bought a home and my son started his own law practice - they were blessed. Nothing could slow my son's drive for secular success.
Letter to God. . .
Thank you for blessing Randy with Debra and the gentle way you are bringing them to you. Thank you for Debra and the way she adds to Randy's life! Continue to bless that union between two precious souls. With men it is impossible, but with God, all things are possible!
It was about this time that I received the diagnosis of breast cancer. My son was supportive, but he didn't know how to share in the emotional side of my trial. I searched out Christian support groups, and my husband drew closer to the Lord. However, my son didn't feel part of this side of my quest for healing.
My Strength. . .
God arms me with strength;
he has made my way safe..
(Psalm 18:32 http://www.allaboutgod.com/truth/psalms-18.htm)
My Life Verse. . .
Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way,
let it be an opportunity for joy.
For when your faith is tested,
your endurance has a chance to grow.
So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed,
you will be strong in character and ready for anything.
(James 1:2-4 http://www.allaboutgod.com/truth/james-1.htm)
God's Timing is Perfect
The second most thrilling day of my life was the birth of my first grandchild, Griffin. Debra asked me to be his godmother, as a symbol of her request to help establish Christian roots in our family. My grandson was baptized in his great grandmother's church. My grandson named me "Nina." My son is a loving father.
A year and half later, I am blessed with a second grandson, Austin. He is baptized at the same church, and my husband is asked to be his godfather - again maintaining my daughter-in-law's desire to establish Christian roots wherever she can. At this point, the pastor asks Debra to join the church after baptizing her babies there. She asks me whether she should ask my son to join the church, and I counsel her against it, as the timing for my son was not right, and he was not yet a believer. God's timing is perfect. . .
Faith in His Timing. . .
So, you see, it is impossible to please God without faith.
Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that there is a God
and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him.
(Hebrews 11:6 http://www.allaboutgod.com/truth/hebrews-11.htm)
An Adventure in Faith. . .
Thank you for my cancer -- You are in control and You do love me. You know what is best for me and my loved ones. You have a plan. Help me to trust in You and be part of Your plan. Thank you God for the blessing of this adventure in faith.
Answered Prayer
My cancer worsened and my treatment options were diminishing. I decided to retire from teaching and focus the remainder of my life on God's plan. In between treatments and side effects, I involved myself in outreach opportunities -- sharing my trial and sharing my faith with those who were in similar circumstances. As my cancer worsened, my son increased his emotional stake in my recovery. His heart began to soften and he searched out "spiritual" opportunities to reflect and pray. Seeing an opening, his wife suggested that their family attend church. She searched out a large, progressive church where my son could melt-in. My son started attending periodically "to support his wife and family." My years' of prayer were starting to bear fruit.
After a few months of attending church, my son came across a pastor who used a rational, evidence-based approach to teaching the Bible. This pastor spoke to my son's heart. Again, my daughter-in-law seized the opportunity and discovered a multi-week, evidence-based teaching series at the church. She challenged my son to attend, and in the spirit of his pride and intellect, he accepted the challenge.
My son stuck with the challenge, and about six months later, he asked to attend church with me on Mothers' Day. It was there, by my side, that he rededicated his life to Christ after 20 years. Later, we went to breakfast, and he shared his journey with me, asking me to be his spiritual mentor for the next chapter in his life. I'm obviously overjoyed! After 20 years of fervent prayer, my greatest desire was granted. After five years of cancer, my painful trial was given meaning. Be patient, be perseverant, be constantly in prayer -- God knows all and He's in absolute control of the perfect timing.
Answered Prayer. . .
Today, I gave my testimony for the third year at Christian Outreach Week. I'm sure it blessed others, but not as much as it blessed me. This year, Randy asked to speak with me on how my cancer brought him back to the Lord. God does answer prayers in mysterious ways, and does work everything for good to those who believe, and does answer a mother's most fervent prayer for the soul of her beloved son.
During Randy's portion of our talk, I felt so much love! Randy previously asked me how to get the head knowledge of Christ into his heart. Well, I saw that happening as he talked emotionally about how my cancer affected his life, while looking at me with so much love in his eyes. He was surprised that so many mothers heard his message as one of "The Prodigal Son," which gave them hope for their wayward children. A girlfriend approached me and said, "Randy will be a great man of God."
What a grand purpose for my cancer. . .
Thank you for your promises for Randy!
Return of the Prodigal Son
Now, my son is becoming "a great man of God." He helped found a ministry that provides "evidence" to seekers and skeptics. He now leads the same multi-week class at his church that helped bring him back to the Lord. His priorities have visibly changed and he's learning to seek God's will in all areas of his life. We share a new level of communication, now that we both share Christ. We recently celebrated my 60th birthday and the arrival of my third grandchild, Lauryn. I am still battling cancer, but I'm absolutely blessed. My prayer now focuses on praise and protection. Praise for the return of my prodigal son, and protection from Satan, the one who doesn't like to lose.
God Answers Prayers. . .
Praise God,
who did not ignore my prayer
and did not withdraw his unfailing love from me.
(Psalm 66:20 http://www.allaboutgod.com/truth/psalms-66.htm)
Return of the Prodigal Son. . .
Randall and Debra were baptized last night together at Saddleback Church. What a blessing to know they are both walking with the Lord - God's timing is perfect! I'm so glad they are dedicating their lives to God as a couple, as well as individually. God, bless them and their family and protect them all from Satan. Lead them in the paths of righteousness and bring them joy!
Mother's Day 2001. . .
It's been a year since Randy turned his heart and life over to the Lord. And what a change a year has made! It is amazing to see how the Holy Spirit is working in his life and Debra's, and through them their children are being introduced to Jesus. My prayers have been answered and confirmed -- "Randy will be a great man of God." That has been my most fervent prayer.
Thank you for the way you are working in Randall's life! He asked me for prayer tonight, as he will be leading the closing meeting at the class for skeptics at his church. He even got a ¼ page announcement in the bulletin on Sunday. He hopes to let the Holy Spirit speak through him as he reviews the entire course, so he may speak the words that will bring at least one person to a believing faith, through evidence, in Jesus Christ.
