Edition 48 › Hope for Singles › Anonymous

The Pro’s and Cons of being Single

Wed, 06/30/2010 - 10:38 — GentleVic

I can't even begin to explain how many times I've been asked "How is it that you are single?"


I'm sweet, intelligent, passionate, confident, down to earth, fun, fairly pretty...I have no idea why I'm single.


I would love to be in a relationship, but every time I get into one it just doesn't work out.


The only times I've been with someone and I've fallen for them...when everything felt just perfect, they had to leave. Not because of me, but because their life was taking them in a different direction, i.e., moving to another state for school..that sort of thing. And they didn't want me to follow, which I understood...in a way...it was their life to live.


The first guy, I was head over heels for...it was perfect. I felt like our souls just connected and made us one. We had so much in common and ugh, it was amazing. But short lived, he said he loved me and then he had to leave.


The next, for once, I persued. I was so intensly attracted to him and I just went for it until eventually we ended up together and stayed so for almost a year. We shared a lot in common and we were good for each other. He didn't put up with my **** and I didn't put up with his. We balanced each other out and kept each other in line. I know we both impacted the other greatly. He said he loved me and then he had to leave.


My two most influential relationships. None of the others in between worked out. Guys were so clingy and controlling and honestly, some a bit crazy. And now it's been about eight months since i've been with anyone at all...and it's so lonely.


I want someone again...I don't want to be alone. I want to find that guy (again) that cares about me. That likes me for me, lets me be myself, accepts the good and the bad about me.


And the only guy I'm interested in, told me I make it difficult for him to like me, without giving me reason. And proceeded to tell me my best friend is hot.


Ugh.


I enjoy being single. It allows me to let my neuroses fly. I can keep my rigid gym schedule AND enjoy a nice ice cream binge every now and then without judgment. I go out with girlfriends without guilt and can keep my house as messy or neat as I want. But, in the past few weeks, there have been times I really wished I had a special someone in my life.


I went in for a routine dental cleaning and ended up in the chair for hours getting ALL my fillings replaced. I didn't enjoy it, but I handled it. My dentist actually congratulated me on being such a good patient and said I was tougher then some men twice my size he's had in there. I did get a little teary on the way home though, when I thought of how all I wanted was to go home to someone who would cuddle with me and watch movies and then go get me frozen yogurt later.


Just this last weekend, I drove 7 hours to visit my family and that would have been a nice time to have a great boyfriend and take him home to meet the fam, although I really enjoyed making the trip myself too. But, at the end of the trip back home, it would have been nice to drive over to my boyfriend's house because I hadn't seen him in a few days and I miss him and he misses me, give him a great big hug and kiss and get a nice little back rub to work out the kinks from being in the car all day. I guess it's all that comfy stuff that I miss and want again.


However, in talking to the ex (which is now very much OFF again), he brought up the Christmas gift he bought me but then returned when I broke up with him shortly before Christmas. "It involved diamonds," he hinted. I miss that too...getting pretty gifts that show how much a guy cares about me, but then I thought about it more and I would much rather wait to cuddle and eat froyo and kiss and hug and get gifts from and give gifts to someone who doesn't suck at life and who has never proven to me that he doesn't need me in his life. I'm waiting for someone who deserves me. I don't know who that is or how I'll find him, but I know it will be worth the wait.

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