Knowing that child number two is on the way is often met with mixed emotions. While being excited about the new life you carry, you are equally concerned about how another person is going to fit into your home and family. It makes you tired just thinking about adding another baby to your already hectic daily schedule. The average age difference between siblings is one and a half to three years. That means your days are already spent keeping up with a very active toddler or preschooler. Where will you possibly find the strength to take care of an infant besides?

I remember thinking, while we were pregnant, that we might be resentful toward the baby for taking away the special intimate times with our daughter. Realistically we knew some of those times would be shortened and some eliminated altogether. We then began to be concerned how Elizabeth would deal with the jealousy and time demands a new baby might bring.

Our first step was to go to the library. We checked out several children's books dealing with the issues of sibling jealousy and understanding feelings when the new sister or brother comes along. Some books were good and others were not. The ones we felt were the best, we read over and over to our two-and-a-half year-old. She got to the point where she had one book nearly memorized and could "read" it to us. We could then talk to her about some of those feelings she might have when the baby came. We accentuated the positive feelings and touched on the negative ones.

The next thing we did was go baby hunting. Everywhere we went we'd look for babies. We talked about what the baby was doing, what the mommy and daddy were doing, and tried to imagine what we would do in the same situation. That way Elizabeth began to see what babies are and how they need someone to take care of them.

We also drove to the hospital several times so Elizabeth could see where Mommy and Daddy would go when it was time for the baby to be born. Many hospitals now have sibling visitation programs, so the older child can come with Daddy and see Mommy and the new baby. My suggestion is that the first visit begin without the baby. Make this a special time for the older sibling. If he or she asks, bring the baby to the room. Firstborns need reassurance that they are still special and always will be. Some parents give a doll to the older child at this time. Watching your child role play with the baby doll is a good way to see how he or she is dealing with all this change.

Another thing we did was to prepare a "nursing box." This box contained a doll, a blanket, paper, crayons, several picture books, some blocks, toy cars and people, colored-paper shapes, and some type of finger-food snack. There was enough to keep Elizabeth busy for the half-hour or so it took to feed the baby. It was her special box that could only be opened during feeding time. Once the baby was fed and quiet, the contents were put back into the box, the lid replaced, and not opened until the next time. The nursing box not only gave her something special to do, it gave us time to relax and enjoy the baby. Feeding times were often stretched longer if Elizabeth was busy playing. Other ideas can be used to occupy the older sibling in relationship to his age.

Thankfully, newborns generally sleep a great deal during the first weeks of life. You can still have the special times with the older sibling as before. And when the baby is awake, have the older child be your helper. Give him simple tasks he can handle by himself, depending on his age. Children love feeling useful and important.

Another idea is to have a friend or relative take the older child for the day or afternoon for a special time away. Have them go to the park, out to eat, or perhaps just to the sitter's home. While the older child gets a treat, you get a time to rest when the baby rests-a much needed break for all.