Janice Hildreth

It catches me off-guard whenever it happens. And it happens in varying degrees to all pastors' wives. What is it? I call it the Pedestal Syndrome. It's the belief by some that the pastor's wife is, or should be, perfect. They're shocked to discover that you and the pastor fight … struggle spiritually …can't do or don't know everything.

When comparing this attitude between younger and older Christians, age isn't necessarily a factor. Although, older parishioners may believe this myth more because of the silence that was common between ministers and laity in the past. Decades ago, pastors suffered in silence (and died young) for their stoicism.

As much as it dismays me to find parishioners who want us on a pedestal, I'm even more concerned when I meet a pastor's wife who believes it's her obligation to be perfect. I'm saddened to think about the struggles and pain she'll face alone. For one of the tragedies you'll endure by placing yourself on a pedestal is isolation.

Pedestals are lonely places. They don't lend themselves to horizontal sharing. They circumvent emotional access between you and your sisters. When you live on a higher plane, you can't admit: "I'm depressed, please pray with me," or "I'm struggling with my kids, can you help?" It also works against you by forcing your parishioners to keep a distance. They'll avoid sharing their battles because they assume you can't understand their problems.

Pedestals also become a spiritual stumbling block. Just as some people may not come to you for help because of your perfect ness, conversely others may come to you for the solutions to all their situations, circumventing seeking God's answer for them. They may look to you for approval and accept it as God's approval. It has happened before when people followed their earthly shepherds, even into heresy, because they didn't have their eyes on the Great Shepherd or their feet firmly grounded in God's word.

You can check your pedestal position every once in awhile by asking yourself these pertinent questions:

1. Am I acting honestly in my relationships?

2. Do I serve people in order to point them to God or to gain their approval?

Just something to ponder,

God's blessings,

Janice

Chosen

Recently, Mike and I were watching the news regarding the latest fiasco of the rich and famous, specifically, Tiger Woods. I was once again struck by how sad it would be to have your husband cheat on you. Infidelity rips a hole in the sacred fabric of a marriage that no matter how meticulously it is mended still leaves an indelible scar on the soul of those affected most by it. When a spouse cheats on their partner, they are sending many messages, but the core lesson is you are not important to me. And being the central, most important character in the story of a marriage is paramount.

When I think about everything a woman is seeking from her mate, the fundamental desire is the realization that out of all the women in the world, he chose you. Romance is good, laughter is wonderful, shared goals and dreams are essential, but knowing that he will choose you every time over everyone and anything standing is what gives us our security.

When a husband is a workaholic, the extra hours are not what cause the pain, it is that he chose his job over you. It does not matter what is substituted, the damage is caused because we have come in second place. And my heart went out to Tiger's wife and every wife who has thought she had been chosen by her lover only to discover that they didn't have the same definition of choose that she had.

I still get a thrill when Mike walks into a room and our eyes meet. That connection reminds me that I am the one he is searching for first. That I am important to him. Each time it happens we reinforce our emotional bond.

This Christmas Season, I hope you dwelled on the fact that you were chosen by God. That everything that played out down through the ages was done in order that you might be chosen by Emmanuel to be His love. And allow it to burn brightly within and comfort you. Blessed are you among women for God chose you.

Hoping you had a very blessed Christmas Holiday.

Janice

John 15:16 <http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+15:16&version=NIV>  You did not choose me, but I chose you.

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