My daughter told me she is a lesbian. I need advice from other parents who have heard these words from their child.
My daughter told me two years ago that she was a lesbian. She was hurt very badly by a boyfriend and she thinks girls will be nicer to her. In the past two years she has dated a few boys, gotten baptized in the church and then all of the sudden she is back to dating a girl again.
We have flat refused to let this girl come to our home, we are very much against this relationship and our daughter knows it, She has been defying us since the fall of 2007, her senior year. She will be 21 in January. She is now moving to a large city 90 miles from our home to live with this girl and her grandmother. The only way I have stayed totally sane is by the grace of God and many Christian friends, however, none of them know what to tell me because they don't have a child who is like this.
My daughter told me tonight that a sin is a sin and everyone is going to hell, not just the homosexuals. My relationship with her is very strained, she talks to her dad but not much to me because I am so dead set against this situation, and I am hurt. I called Focus on the Family today and talked to a counselor. She told me that I need to apologize to my daughter, which I did, she also told me that I need to apologize to the girlfriend, my husband and I aren't ready to do that. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, Please pray for me and my husband.
Hi Mrsc1234,
I'm so sorry for all that your family's been going through! I think one of the most painful things must be when a child chooses a path that we know isn't right for them, and it can be so hard to know what, if anything, we can do to help. You asked for advice from parents who have gone through what you're facing now, and until we get some responses here, I wanted to let you know that there's another thread on this topic that you might want to check out.
This other discussion started several months ago, and you'll be able to read posts from parents who also have daughters living a lesbian lifestyle. I'd also encourage you to take a look at the resources mentioned in various posts (such as Exodus International <http://www.exodusinternational.org/>and Someone I Love is Gay <http://family.christianbook.com/someone-i-love-is-gay/bob-davies/9780830819829/pd/19827>). Please know that you're not alone, and that we're praying for you and your daughter. I hope you'll find the comments in the other thread helpful, and also feel free to join that discussion if you'd like. Praying that God would comfort and encourage you today...
Sunny
Dec 30, 2010 11:48 AM in response to:
SunnyFOTF <http://www.focusonlinecommunities.com/message/100255>
We, too, have just recently found out our 19 year old thinks she is "in love" with another girl and are experiencing all of the feelings described in these posts. And I must say it has been helpful for me to know that there are other parents out there going through the exact same thing so I thank all of you for your comments, advice, etc, but how disheartening that this is so acceptable in our children's world.
We never imagined that we would have to parent this. One thing that I haven't read much about is how to deal with this with our younger children, you see our daughter is the oldest of four children, how do you look into the eyes of an innocent child and explain such things that you yourself as a parent can't even comprehend. We have another teenage daughter that is at a very impressionable age as well and before all of this our oldest daughter and our oldest son were so very close, now he is just angry at her and doesn't want her around. Our younger two children don't know but I am sure they are wondering what is going on; we were such a close family and now there is so much tension.
I pray it feels like every minute of the day and all I am left with are these empty feelings, and desperation. How do we go on just pretending? She came home from college for Christmas and I just want to cry every time I look at her, it is too painful and she is very stubborn about this, she has avoided most everyone (family and friends). I wholeheartedly believe that this is not her path and that someday she will want a family, and that she can't live a life of being separate as we will not accept this or allow it into our home but of course she doesn't see that right now.
The other girl told her family and they seem to be more accepting of this than we are, but I feel that they have probably known most of her life that she was this way as she has never even dated a boy, where our daughter has been just the opposite. She tells me she isn't labeling herself that it is completely about the person, and I believe this is an emotional relationship.
Our daughter was moving far away from home for college, knowing no one, leaving the security of her family and friends and I feel latched herself on to this friend who was also doing the same. I can only pray that she will meet new people and experience life in college and God will guide her down a different path. Again, Thank you for your posts they are extremely helpful, please don't stop. And please pray for our family.
Hi hearbroke
I'm so glad you decided to join this thread and share with our community. Like you said, it is always comforting to know that we're not alone and others can advise us from their own experiences. But, I wish you and your family didn't have to go through this with your daughter. As your username states, it is heartbreaking.
But, don't give up hope. I know the Lord certainly hasn't given up hope on your daughter! And, I'll definitely be praying for her, asking God to lead her to His best for her relationships and give you wisdom in addressing this issue with your younger children.
And, speaking of your other kids, I know you were looking for some input on talking with them. So, I wanted to suggest that you consider giving our counselors <http://referrals-loc.custhelp.com/cgi-bin/referrals_loc.cfg/php/loc/enduser/loc.php> a call and asking them for their thoughts on this concern. I'm sure you've seen this referral mentioned before on our forums, but it's free of charge and I think they'd be the best ones to advise you here.
In the meantime, we do have a couple other threads where parents posted similar questions. There's also an article called "Collateral Damage? Talking to Your Children <http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/facing_crisis/my_spouse_struggles_with_homosexuality/collateral_damage_talking_to_your_children.aspx>" that might be helpful. It's written more for when a parent reveals they're gay. However, it still may give you some food for thought. Keep us posted on how you're doing, OK? Blessings.
Jessica
