Edition 55 › Humor is Good for the Soul › Anonymous

Miscellaneous Humor

Wed, 09/01/2010 - 11:23 — GentleVic

NOTE ON THE DOOR!


Attention Children!


The Bathroom Door is Closed.


Please do not stand here and talk, whine, or ask questions. Wait until I get out.


Yes, it is locked. I want it that way. It is not broken, I am not trapped. I know I have left it unlocked, and even open at times, since you were born, because I was afraid some horrible tragedy might occur while I was in here, but it's been 10 years and I want some PRIVACY.


Do not ask me how long I will be. I will come out when I am done.


Do not bring the phone to the bathroom door.


Do not go running back to the phone yelling, "She's in the BATHROOM!"


Do not begin to fight as soon as I go in.


Do not stick your little fingers under the door and wiggle them. This was funny when you were two, but not now.


Do not slide pennies, Legos, or notes under the door. Even when you were two this got a little tiresome.


If you have followed me down the hall talking, and are still talking as you face this closed door, please turn around, walk away, and wait for me in another room. I will be glad to listen to you when I am done.


And yes, I still love you.


(signed) Mom


Baby Problems


One day, shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to run some errands.


The proud papa stayed home to watch his wonderful new son.


Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry.


The father did everything he could think of doing, but the baby wouldn't stop crying.


Finally, the dad got so worried that he decided to take the infant to the doctor.


After the doctor listened to the father relate all that he had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine the baby's ears, chest and then down to the diaper area.


When he undid the diaper, he found that the diaper was indeed full.


"Here's the problem", the Dr. said, "He needs to be changed!"


The father was very perplexed, "But the diaper package says it is good for up to 10 lbs.!


Be a Kid Again



Give yourself a gold star for everything you do today.


Dot all your "i"'s with smiley faces.


Sing into your hairbrush.


Grow a milk mustache.


?Smile back at the man in the moon.


Read the funnies--throw the rest of the paper away.


Dunk your cookies.


Play a game where you make up the rules as you go along.


Order with eyes that are bigger than your stomach.


Open a pack of cupcakes and give one to a friend even though you wanted both of them for yourself.


Step carefully over sidewalk cracks.


Change into some play clothes.


Try to get someone to trade you a better sandwich.


Have a staring contest with your cat.


Eat ice cream for breakfast.


Kiss a frog, just in case.


Give someone a "hug-around-the-neck."


Blow the wrapper off a straw.


Refuse to eat crusts.


Make a face the next time somebody tells you "no."


Watch TV in your pajamas.


Ask "Why?" a lot ~ Have someone read you a story.


Eat dessert first.


Wear your favorite shirt with your favorite pants even if they don't match.


Sneak some frosting off a cake.


Refuse to back down in a "did vs. did-not argument."


Do a cartwheel, even if you fall on the floor, all curled up.


Get someone to buy you something you don't really need.


Hide your vegetables under your napkin.


Stay up past your bedtime.


Whatever you're doing, stop once in a while for recess.


Wear red gym shoes.


Make a "slurpy" sound with your straw when you get to the bottom of any drink.


Put way too much sugar on your cereal.


Play a song you like really loud, over and over.


Find some pretty stones and save them.


Let the string all the way out on a kite and if you don't have one buy one.


Walk barefoot in wet grass.


Count the colors in a rainbow.


Fuss a little, then take a nap.


Take a running jump over a big or small puddle.


Eat dinner at the coffee table.


Giggle a lot for no real reason.

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