Q: Where is King Soloman's temple?

A: On the side of his head!

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A pastor had a practice of leaving his pulpit for a brief time during the morning service. While one of his staff made the announcements, he went to tell a Bible story to the children in children's church. One new member didn't understand. One day he said to the minister, "Pastor, you're the first preacher I ever saw who takes a coffee break during the service."

Sunday School Teacher: "What evidence is there in the Bible that Adam and Eve were noisy?"

Boy: "They raised Cain!"

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One day, Joe, Bob and Dave were hiking in a wilderness area when they came upon a large, raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so.

Joe prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river."

Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, although he almost drowned a couple of times.

Seeing this, Dave prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools to cross this river."

Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.

Bob had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools, and the intelligence, to cross this river."

Poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.

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A Greek priest is driving down to New York to see a show, and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding.

The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath, sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and asks,

"Sir, have you been drinking?"

The minister replies, "Just water."

The trooper asks, "Then, why do I smell wine?"

The minister looks down at the bottle and exclaims, "Good Lord, He's done it again!"

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A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

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A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."

"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

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A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day

he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce could depend on the circumstances,

and asked him the following questions:

"Have you any grounds"?

"Yes, an acre and half and nice little home".

"No, I meant what is the foundation of this case"?

It's made of concrete

"I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge"?

"No, we have carport, and not need one".

I mean, what are your relations like?

"All my relations still in Poland".

"Is there any infidelity in your marriage"?

"We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player".

"Does your wife beat you up"?

"No, I always up before her".

"Is your wife a nagger"?

"No, she white".

"Why do you want this divorce"?

"She going to kill me".

"What makes you think that"?

"I got proof".

"What kind of proof"?

"She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in

bathroom. I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover"

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Grandpa Johnson was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared. "Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."

The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.

"Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."

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