Which Way to Heaven?
Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his ministry when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon.
Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was. When the boy had told him, Dr. Graham thanked him and said, "If you'll come to the Baptist Church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to heaven."
The boy replied, "I don't think I'll be there... You don't even know your way to the post office."
The dying man
A priest was preparing a man for his long journey into eternity
Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil."
The dying man said nothing.
The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing.
The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"
The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody."
IRS Agents In Heaven
Two income tax collectors died and arrived at the pearly gates.
Just ahead of them were two clergy, but St. Peter motioned them aside
and took the internal revenue agents into heaven at once.
"Why them ahead of us?" the surprised religious leaders asked.
"Haven't we done everything possible to spread the good word?"
"Yes," said St. Peter, "but those two IRS agents scared the Hell out of more people than you ever did!"
Money for the Preacher
After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?"
"Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever heard."
How Do I Get into Heaven?
A teacher asked the children in her Sunday School class,
"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale
and gave all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?"
"NO!" the children all answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard,
and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"
Again, the answer was "NO!"
"Well," she continued, "then how can I get to heaven?"
In the back of the room, a five-year-old boy shouted out,
"You gotta be dead!"
In Need of Prayer
A young boy called the pastor of a local "corner" church to ask the pastor to come by to pray for
his mother who had been very ill with the flu.
The pastor knew the family and was aware they had been attending another church down the road.
So the pastor asked, "Shouldn't you be asking Brother Simon down the road to come by to pray with your mom?"
The young boy replied, "Yeah, but we didn't want to take the chance that he might catch whatever this is that Mom has."
In All Things Give Thanks
A 4-year-old boy was asked to give thanks before a Christmas dinner.
The family members bowed their heads in expectation.
He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one.
Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles.
Then he began to thank God for the food.
He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip. Then he paused, and everyone waited--and waited.
After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked,
"If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"
Rest in Peace
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The plaque was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside him and said quietly, "Good morning, Alex."
"Good morning, Pastor," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor McGhee, what is this?" Alex asked.
"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the men and women who have died in the service."
Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Alex's voice was barely audible when he finally managed to ask, "Which one, the 9:00 or 10:30 service?
God's Left Hand
Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother.
His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning.
It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful.
His grandmother remarked... "doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery?
Did you know God painted this just for you?"
Bobby said, "Yes, God did it and he did it left handed."
This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him
"What makes you say God did this with his left hand?"
"Well," said Bobby, "we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God's right hand!"
