A Little Biblical Humor
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth? A. Ruthless.
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany? A. German Shepherds.
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a Little prophet.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.
Q.. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Q. Which area of Palestine
was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan . The banks were always overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark ?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. (
Groan.)
PS... Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?
Yup, it's in the Bible. It says . . 'He-brews'
Friends are God's way of taking care of us.
Out of Luck
A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble.
His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble.
He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help.
He begins to pray... "God, please help me.
I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well.
Please let me win the lotto."
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.
Joe again prays... "God, please let me win the lotto!
I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well".
Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck.
Once again, he prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me??
I've lost my business, my house, and my car.
My wife and children are starving.
I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you.
PLEASE
just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of God Himself:
"Joe, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket."
Have Faith My Child
For the umpteenth time Mrs. Youngston came to her pastor to tell him, "I'm so scared!
Joe says he's going to kill me if I continue to come to your church."
"Yes, yes, my child," replied the pastor, more than a little tired of hearing this over and over.
"I will continue to pray for you, Mrs. Youngston. Have faith - the Lord will watch over you."
"Oh yes, he has kept me safe thus far, only....."
"Only what, my child?"
"Well, now he says if I keep coming to your church, he's going to kill YOU!"
"Well, now," said the pastor, "Perhaps it's time to check out that little church on the other side of town."
A Very Faithful Woman
An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it.
She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!"
Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout,
"There ain't no Lord!!"
Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance.
She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!!
I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD
, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!"
The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted,
"PRAISE THE LORD."
The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord.
I bought those groceries, God didn't."
The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "PRAISE THE LORD.
He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!"
Lesson in Lying
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying.
To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands.
He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up.
The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters.
I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
Author is Unknown
