My name is Mark, and I am a real, recovered alcoholic.
I "grew up" (refused to grow up - a spoiled rotten brat) drinking and doing all of the other hippie stuff rock-and-rollers did in the 60's. I played keyboard in bands and sometimes the only "pay" we'd get for our performances was drunk and otherwise altered.
I was sent to "AA" on court cards and heard some bells going off, but I was far from ready back then. After spending too much of my life in jail because of my 10 DUIs, and consequently, hurting so many people in the process, I decided to get help. In March of 1987, with the help of my loving parents, I checked into the Betty Ford Clinic. I managed to stay "sober" for the next two and a half years going to a lot of meetings - sharing the same kind of generally unrelated stuff you hear most people share at most so-called AA meetings. I attended literally thousands of "AA" meetings and had Our Text practically memorized. I have this high I.Q. that has done me little good in life, and when it come to staying sober, I believe it was a major liability. I guess I was too smart to actually DO WHAT IT SAYS WE SHOULD DO. I suppose I thought I was working the program (Not like I do today!) until I put something before it.
After being in and out of jail, hospitals, "recovery homes", 10 detoxes, and all types of "programs" for the next 10 years, I was finally beaten into a sense of reasonableness until I just wanted to die. (I couldn't have blamed others if they wanted me to.) I had lost everything worthwhile in life and really had no other options (Thank God!). Everyone, including myself, had given up on me, and I miraculously ended up at a low bottom true Recovery Home. (http://AABookHouse.com )
Only there, and then, was I willing to follow direction from those in whom the problem had been solved and do it the precisely the same way those who wrote the book and others have been doing it for over 70 years.
I stayed for the suggested year required to build a foundation in AA - which is knowing that, and taking AAction like, this IS the most important thing in my life, and did the main things I was directed to do, which were:
Work the program hard.
Keep It Simple
Read and re-read The Solution (164 pages)
Get to a lot of meetings and get my hand up to share what I did today to stay sober - the MAIN reason to be at an AA meeting (at first - the ONLY reason to be at one)
What a concept!! If someone would have shared this, presuming we could actually hear and DO this, I and others may have recovered long ago. Perhaps many would not have to have died slow miserable deaths, like I had been experiencing, for some of us to stay sober.
To be open and honest, I didn't like any of it. What I LIKED got me wanting to die and worser. (That is not a typo . . . worser is a word that describes where many of us drank ourselves to.) I DO like the results!!
I did the same things I have done for over nine years (precisely what WE of AA DO) this morning that are, at the very least, largely responsible for my sobriety and new life. Before my eyes opened I asked God to direct my thinking - asking especially that it be divorced from self pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. I thought about the 24 hours ahead and considered my plans for today. I prayed the 3rd, 7th step, and Lord's Prayers, praying for alcoholics - especially those still suffering. I reviewed the previous 24 hours (in the morning - as directed on page 86 of the original manuscript), looking at where I was selfish, afraid, dishonest, and resentful and the rest of the current page 86, asked for forgiveness and what corrective measures should be taken. I concluded the period of Prayer and Meditation with a prayer that I be shown throughout the day and that I be given whatever I need to take care of such problems. Especially for freedom from self will. (How did they know my next step what going to be a problem?)
I'm not particularly interested in what alcoholics say they are GOING to do . . . we have a very hard time distinguishing the true from the false! I get my butt down to the local detox to try to carry This Message to those that still suffer (or certainly should be suffering!) Is it odd that I wasn't doing that when I wasn't staying sober?
I go through the day seeking knowledge of God's will for me and the power to carry that out - saying to myself many times "Thy Will Be Done." I'm trying to keep it simple and carry This (AA) Message and practice these principles in all of my affairs. I have worked all of the steps - more than a few times, and continue to work 3, 7, and 9 - 12 constantly.
Could it possibly BE that simple?? It seems to have been for well over nine years!! It worked for 75% of them 70 years ago, and still does for the few of us that actually do what they did.
Simple but not easy . . . the only places I can think of where it refers to easy is:
Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness. (What an order!) I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all. It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels (successes). And easy to be vague about the matter of prayer.
AAction and more AAction!
I know now what my top priority is for the next twenty-four hours . . . and that is to stay sober and help others; especially helping alcoholics to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. Thanks for letting me share!!
Thy Will Be Done!!!
