Have you ever felt that nobody understands what you're going through-including God?

If you're unmarried, you may feel that way most of the time. You haven't yet found another person you can share your deepest, most intimate secrets with.

In the midst of our loneliness, we forget that Jesus Christ understands us even better than we understand ourselves. Jesus knows about loneliness.

Why Jesus Understands Loneliness

Jesus' disciples didn't really grasp his teachings. He was constantly at odds with the legalistic Pharisees. He bristled when people came only to see miracles and not to hear what he said.

But there was another side to Jesus' loneliness that was even more poignant. He had all the feelings and desires of a normal human being, and it's not far-fetched to believe that he also wanted to have the love of a spouse and the joy of a family.

Scripture tells us about Jesus: "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet was without sin." (Hebrews 4:15 NIV <http://christianity.about.com/od/faqhelpdesk/p/newinternationa.htm>)

Wanting to be married is not a temptation <http://christianity.about.com/od/newchristians/ht/avoidtemptation.htm>, but loneliness can be. Jesus was tempted by loneliness, so he does know what you're going through.

We don't take our loneliness to God <http://christianity.about.com/od/singlesresources/a/overcomelonely.htm> as often as we should. Because it's not an audible, two-way conversation, we may wrongly assume that he's not listening. We also have the odd notion that God can't relate to our fast-paced, information-overloaded 21st century.

In his book, The Greatest Counselor in the World, Lloyd John Ogilvie says: "The Holy Spirit takes our mumbling, disjointed, mixed-up words, so often jumbled in with our own selfish desires, and edits the whole thing."

I don't know about you, but I'm often embarrassed about my prayers. I don't know what to say or how to say it. I don't want to be selfish, but all my desires are centered around what I want, instead of what God wants for me.

Selfishness is a common problem for single people. Living alone, we're used to doing things our own way. Only in the past few years have I been able to realize that God knows what's best for me better than I do.

In taking our prayers to the Father, the Holy Spirit <http://christianity.about.com/od/topicalbiblestudies/a/whoisholyspirit.htm> graciously refines them with love, removing our self-destructive desires. He's a therapist who is unfailingly competent and totally trustworthy. And Jesus, who understands loneliness, knows exactly what we need to cope with it.

You've probably seen cartoons of people lying on a therapist's couch, pouring out their troubles. When we do muster up the courage to take our loneliness to God, we treat him too much like a human therapist.

Unlike a human therapist, God doesn't just take notes then say, "Your time is up." God is different. He gets involved-personally involved.

God still intervenes as he did in Bible times. He answers prayers. He works miracles. He gives strength and hope, especially hope.

We single people need hope, and there is no better source of hope than God. He never tires of listening to you. In fact, his greatest desire is that you keep up a constant conversation with him throughout your day.

When you do that, your loneliness will begin to lift, as mine did. God will show you how to love other people, and how to accept their love in return. With God's encouragement and guidance, we singles can live the Christian life. He never intended for us to do it on our own.

Are you a single Christian struggling with loneliness <http://christianity.about.com/od/singlesresources/a/lonelytherapy.htm>? Discover the cure for loneliness by examining these biblical principles with Jack Zavada.

Loneliness is one of life's most miserable experiences. Everyone feels lonely at times, but is there a message for us in loneliness? Is there a way we can turn it into something positive?

Sometimes loneliness is a temporary condition that departs in a few hours or a couple days. But when you're burdened with this emotion for weeks, months, or even years, it's definitely telling you something.

In a sense, loneliness is like a toothache: It's a warning signal that something is wrong. And like a toothache, if left unattended, it usually gets worse. Your first response to loneliness may be to self-medicate - to try home remedies to make it go away.

You may think that if you fill your life with so many activities that you don't have time to think about your loneliness, you'll be cured. But busyness misses the message. It's like trying to heal a toothache by taking your mind off it. Busyness is only a distraction, not a cure.

Maybe if you purchase something new, if you "reward" yourself, you'll feel better. And surprisingly, you do feel better - but only for a short while. Buying things to fix your loneliness is like an anesthetic. Sooner or later the numbing effect wears off. Then the pain comes back as strong as ever. Buying can also compound your problems with a mountain of credit card debt.

You may believe that intimacy is what you need, so you make an unwise choice with sex. Like the prodigal son, after you come to your senses, you're horrified to discover that this attempt at a cure not only makes loneliness worse, it also makes you feel desperate and cheap. This is the false cure of our modern culture, which promotes sex as a game, as recreation. This response to loneliness always ends in feelings of alienation and regret.

If all of these approaches don't work, what does? Is there a cure for loneliness <http://christianity.about.com/od/singlesresources/a/overcomelonely.htm>? Is there some secret elixir that will fix this toothache of the soul?

We need to begin with a correct interpretation of this warning signal. Loneliness is God's way of telling you that you have a relationship problem. While that may seem obvious, there's more to it than just surrounding yourself with people. Doing that is the same as busyness, but using crowds instead of activities.

Going back to the Old Testament, we discover that the first four of the Ten Commandments are about our relationship with God. The last six commandments are about our relationships with other people.

How is your relationship with God? Is it close and intimate, like that of a loving, caring father and his child? Or is your relationship with God cold and distant, only superficial?

As you reconnect with God and your prayers <http://christianity.about.com/od/prayersverses/a/basicstoprayer.htm> become more conversational and less formal, you'll actually feel God's presence. His reassurance is not just your imagination. We worship a God who lives among his people through the Holy Spirit <http://christianity.about.com/od/topicalbiblestudies/a/whoisholyspirit.htm>. Loneliness is God's way, first, of drawing us closer to him, then forcing us to reach out to other people.

For many of us, improving our relationships with others and letting them get close to us is a distasteful cure, as dreaded as taking your toothache to a dentist. But satisfying, meaningful relationships take time and work. We're afraid to open up. We're afraid to let another person open up to us.

Friendship requires giving, but it also requires taking, and many of us would rather be independent. Yet the persistence of your loneliness should tell you that your past stubbornness hasn't worked either.

If you muster the courage to restore your relationship with God, then with others, you'll find your loneliness lifting. This is not a spiritual Band-Aid, but a real cure that works.

Your risks toward others will be rewarded. You'll find someone who understands and cares, and you'll find others whom you understand and care about as well. Like a visit to the dentist, this cure turns out to be not only final, but much less painful than you feared.

• An Open Letter to Christian Women <http://christianity.about.com/od/womensresources/a/openletterwomen.htm>

• The Christian Response to Disappointment <http://christianity.about.com/od/singlesresources/a/disappointment.htm>

• 3 Reasons to Avoid Bitterness <http://christianity.about.com/od/singlesresources/a/avoidbitterness.htm>