As a Pastor I need to be the Ideal Husband

"Husbands, love your wives..." Ephesians 5:25; Colossians 3:19 .. 1 Peter 3:7 "...dwell with them according to knowledge..."

This article was written by a Pastor who wants to remind you Pastor of these great words of wisdom. Also pass this on to other men who can benefit from them.

When I was growing up I learned about reading 'ritten and 'rithmetic in school. Also thrown in were some mechanics, history, social studies, music, woodwork, etc.

My dad taught me character, discipline, hard work, farming, and many other lessons. The church taught me salvation, doctrine, principles, the Christian life, and more. The Army taught me perseverance, regimentation, respect, patriotism, and a specialty. Sports taught me to have a goal, to aim high, to believe I can do it, to achieve, to work as a team, to be unselfish. It has been a great life of learning. Of course, God should receive all the glory for it.

Then something happened. In November of 1978 I saw a girl at church that I really liked. I had never seen her there before. I was twenty one years old and she was twenty, I liked her and she liked me. We started communicating with each other, dedicated ourselves to the Lord, grew in love, and were married on September 15, 1979. Then for the first time in my life . . . I WAS A HUSBAND!

In twenty two years, no one had taught me how to be a husband. I learned many other things, but I could not think of one word of formal training in being a husband.

Girls were taught home economics in school, but nothing was offered with regards to manhood- nothing, let alone on being a husband and living the rest of my life with a woman, my wife.

I remembered a few things my dad had said, and had his example to reflect upon, but that was all. My only recourse was to turn to the Bible, and some good old-fashioned common sense.

Well, here I am twenty-three plus years later. I have enjoyed a wonderful marriage for which I give God and my wife the credit. It has been very enjoyable. I would wish that every man and woman could have the marriage I have had, but realistically,it takes work to make it work.

I have had to learn how to be a good husband. This booklet is about what I am learning. It is designed to help you as a husband: to be a good one, an ideal one. It is designed to help me, as I am still learning.

If you are a husband, why not be the best you can be? The key is in identifying the needs of your wife and then meeting them.

To simplify this, I suggest in this booklet that the needs of your wife are fivefold. She has material needs, emotional needs, social needs, spiritual needs, and physical needs. By simply identifying the need and fulfilling it you will be well on the way to being a good husband and a Good Pastor.

Let us look at your wife's "fivefold needs" one at a time.

Material Needs

Without question, the Bible puts the onus upon the man of the house to be the provider. Only death or disability relieves the man of this responsibility.

Before God ever created woman, man (Adam) already had a job (Genesis 2:8,15), knew God's command (Genesis 2:16-17), and had an education (Genesis 2:19-20). THEN God created Eve and brought her to the man. A man should have an education, know God's Word, and have a job before having a wife. He is then to be the provider.

The Apostle Paul reminded the church at Thessalonica in II Thessalonians 3:8-12, "Neither did we eat any man's bread for nought: but wrought with labor and travail night and day, that we might not be chargeable to any of you: Not because we have not power, but to make ourselves an example unto you to follow us. For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat. For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies. Now them that are such we command and exhort by our Lord Jesus Christ, that with quietness they work; and eat their own bread."

One of the sharpest rebukes in Scripture is found in I Timothy 5:8, "But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." A man who does not provide for his own house is not as bad as an infidel, HE IS WORSE THAN AN INFIDEL! An infidel is one who has no faith in Christianity or God at all. What an indictment.

Nowhere in the Bible does it say a woman has denied the faith and is worse than an infidel if she does not provide for her house. The man is to be the provider. In the Bible, God's will is for the woman to be in the home, (Titus 2:4-5; I Timothy 5:14). The woman is in the home, the man is in the field (Genesis 2:8,15).

The husband is to provide food and drink on the table, clothes and shoes on his family, money for taxes, utilities, and insurance, a home, medical needs, educational needs and transportation needs, as well as support the work of God.

WHEW! What a job it is being a man. Also, a man should be sure his wife and family are provided for at death. "A good man leaveth an inheritance to his children's children ..." (Proverbs 13:22).

A wife finds a great deal of security in knowing she has a hard working man who will take care of her. While you work hard at your vocation and she works hard in the home, there develops a mutual satisfaction in the relationship.

Men should not only try to provide for the weekly needs, but the future needs. It would be prudent for a man to have a savings account with some money in it if the refrigerator malfunctions or if the car needs repair. These things will happen.

Disabilities happen. A man, if possible, should try to provide some kind of health insurance for himself and the whole family. He should check with his employer to see if he is covered in the case of a disability.

Death happens. Life insurance should be adequate to both pay death-related expenses and provide for the wife and children. This policy should be kept in force and be a priority expense. One prophet in II Kings 4:1-7 served Elisha and feared God but left his wife in great debt and anguish.

Let us not let history repeat itself. One dear lady in our church lost her husband. He left no insurance or money for burial expenses. She entertained cremation as an option as opposed to her desire to bury him in a grave like Christ was. I answered her that God would provide, and He has, but this was a very difficult experience for her.

Lawsuits happen. Men should be sure they have enough insurance coverage on their cars, homes, properties, businesses, etc.

Debt should not happen. Get out of debt. Stay out of debt. Most marital misery is caused by financial strain and debt. Do things the old fashioned way by saving up for something before buying it. I can understand a mortgage for a house as long as it is equivalent to the average rental rates in your area and the payment is within your means. That would be a good investment rather than throwing money away. An outrageous mortgage payment that enslaves you for decades is not God's will for your life. That is not faith, it is foolishness, assumption, and presumption.

An unhappy mother in our church was heard to say, "You do not know how hard it is with a bunch of little kids and a mortgage." Her mortgage was much too large for her husband's paycheck. Later they moved out of their house and into an older, cheaper one. She is much happier now. Mortgage comes from a Latin word for "death grip."

Drive a simple car.

Perhaps a house and a car would be the only thing I would allow in my life on which to make payments. Most livelihoods depend on a good car today. I have found that through prayer and fasting God has always provided adequate transportation. Before running to the bank, trust God! He might just have a vehicle for you.

From the major things to the minor things, a man must provide for his house. With God as your helper, pray dear brother, pray about everything. Claim the promises of Philippians 4:19, Matthew 6:28-33, and Matthew 7:9-11. Read them right now. Use them in your prayer. Pray for "our daily bread" needed for your family. God answers prayer. Don't just teach these things to others, but believe in them and practice them.

Before we leave the subject of meeting our wives material needs, let me share two more important aspects:

First

, let your finances be an open book for her to see. Communication is the key to any relationship. If your wife knows how much comes in and how much must go out each week she will not question you or wonder. She might not like it, but if she sees the numbers, the numbers do not lie. Update your budget every year. Post it in your house.

Pay everything by check, even the groceries and fuel for your automobile can be put on a debit card. Only keep one credit card for emergencies or to use as a deposit on a rental vehicle or something of that nature. Do not use the credit card without notifying your spouse of it's use and she should do the same thing, with both of you agreeing your budget can handle this certain thing by the time you receive your next monies.

Keep records and update your budget every year. Know what you must put in the bank each week and do not vary. Live on the balance, after putting money into savings. This will save arguments and hidden distrust. Let all bank records, credit union records, savings accounts, and checkbooks be open for her to see.

Listen to her input, she may be wiser than you in some areas. This will also help her to realize why you can not take her out to eat every week or buy her new shoes or dresses more frequently.

Second, GIVE HER SOME MONEY!

I Corinthians 7:3 says, "Let the husband render unto the wife DUE benevolence..." The word "render" means "to give away." The word "due" means "to be under obligation." The word "benevolence" means "charitable act of kindness, generous gift." It is degrading to have to live in a constant state of having nothing. This is how some men keep their wives. Please don't be one of those.

It is important for you to budget in some spending money for each of you separately after putting money into savings. When you have spent that, do not borrow from Peter to pay Paul and juggle your finances. She should not have to account for her personal spending money. It is hers. It would not hurt to show excitement for what she has purchased if she cares to share that with you.

Put your wife's "wish-list" and "want-list" ahead of yours. Be sensitive to the things she needs. Her wants are as real as yours.

The word "benevolence" in the text above is primarily talking about physical needs, but the ideal husband should meet her material needs. I Peter 3:7 says, "Likewise, ye husbands,.... giving honour unto the wife ... that your prayers be not hindered." Also we see in I Timothy 5:8, "But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel."

My grandfather used to try to do one big thing on the house each year just for grandma. A house is a woman's castle. He's been gone almost twenty years now, but I think he knew something we should rediscover. Treat your wife like a queen, meet her material needs.