Note any of the following which you have experienced

Your family is visiting the home of another family for the first time. Your children and their children are playing quietly in another room. Suddenly the silence is broken by the screaming of the other family's little girl as she runs to her mother holding a doll that looks like it got its hair caught in a lawn mower. You immediately go on a "search and destroy" mission and to your embarrassment find your little boy holding a scissors in one hand and clumps of "Dolly's" hair in the other. With a guilty grin he says, "I'm playing barber."

You leave your children for five minutes to take something to your next-door-neighbor. On returning home, your house smells like the inside of a perfume bottle and there's so much powder in the air that the smoke detector is buzzing! Your children say, "We wanted to be like you, Mommy!"

You have brought your children to visit your dear old great aunt. During a lull in the conversation and in your observation of the children, you realize your great aunt is suddenly gasping for breath. It has nothing to do with her health, but everything to do with her antique sofa which has now been converted into a trampoline. Your children say, "Boy, we don't get to do this at home!"

Whether or not you have had any of these or similar experiences, the following is true - every parent of a small child will at some point ask, "Is it possible for children to learn respect for the property of others?"

I think it is both possible and necessary. The important thing to remember is that children must learn to respect things that belong to others. They are not born with that understanding. Here are some ideas to consider:

Parents must set a good example. Since children adopt most of the values of those they love most, we as parents must model respect for others' property. Recently I borrowed a friend's pick-up truck to haul firewood. When I was done, my six-year-old asked why I swept out the truck and filled it with gas. I explained to Benji that when we borrow other people's things, we should take care of them just like they were our own. A few days later, he returned the pencils from my desk freshly sharpened.

Teach children to respect their own property. If we don't, it will be impossible to teach them to respect the property of others. An obvious, but important, step is to make sure that children have a place to store their toys and that they do so when the toys are not being used. Otherwise, children won't feel responsible for their possessions or anyone else's. If a child intentionally breaks or abuses one of his own belongings, don't reward his behavior by replacing it. Let him feel the consequences of being without.

When siblings possess identical toys, it is a good idea to label them. Each child must learn respect for his own toy without having the luxury of a brother's or sister's duplicate for insurance. It's also good for siblings to co-own a toy or some other item. They will then have to learn respect for their own and someone else's property at the same time.

Teach children to ask for permission to use other people's property. This teaches a child that an individual is entitled to decide whether his possessions should be used by anyone else. Help your child see that he is complimenting a person when he asks if he can enjoy or use that person's belonging. The person giving him permission is accepting the risk of his possession being broken or lost and your child can experience responsible gratitude. Asking for permission also protects a child from using an article that could be harmful to him, or irreplaceable if broken.

I have found that the best teaching method is for parents to model asking for permission. My children love it when I ask if I can play with their favorite toys and then put them away when I'm done. Reciprocal action readily follows.

Give children clear instructions regarding the property of others.

It's our duty as parents to preserve the property of family members and the people with whom our children are in contact. Children are curious explorers. Without thwarting their imaginative interests, we can and should give them ground rules concerning people's possessions. My children know that they can go into my office anytime and use the pencils, tape, and rubber bands in the upper desk drawer without asking. Felt-tip markers and scissors need permission granted. The rest of the desk and the bookshelf are off limits. If we give clear arid consistent guidelines plus praise for following them, our children will gradually need less instruction.

5. Discipline children when they abuse the property of others. If a child has permission to use an item and it breaks during proper use, it is an accident. But if a child intentionally abuses or misuses property, he must be disciplined appropriately or a pattern of disrespect for others' possessions will be established. Discipline might include the removal of an item for a period of time. The replacement of broken or lost property could come out of the child's allowance or piggy bank. If siblings have similar toys and one breaks the other's, the guilty one may learn well by forfeiting his toy to the toyless victim. Depending on the age and attitude of the abuser, spankings can still make a great impression on a youngster too.

These ideas are not an overnight success guarantee. Your child or mine might still use Aunt Tillie's silver platter for a Frisbee tomorrow. But be patient, and hang in there. Someday, they'll grow up and you'll laugh about it together.