Grumpiness/moodiness: No awareness or concern about how you are coming across to others

Plotting revenge: Planning elaborate schemes to get back at your enemies

No forgiveness or forgetting: Hanging onto the hurts of the past

Masochism/Sadism: Addiction to hurting others and/or being hurt

Martyrdom: Enjoying making others feel guilty by playing the victim, way to get attention/sympathy

Low self-esteem: Hate yourself because you are stupid, worthless, ugly, lazy… a doormat

Stubbornness: Refusing to acknowledge being wrong or let others have their way

Glaring: You can't hide your disdain for others, keeps people at a distance

Swearing/name-calling: Signal that the gloves have come off

Threatening others with harm: Physical, mental, financial, property, loss of

freedoms/choices

Sighing/rolling eyes: Outer show of disrespect, contempt and/or frustration, listening is over

And many more

Here is what will happen-maybe it already has

If you exhibit a fair number of those common signs of problem anger, consider the consequences if you don't change.

Anger can:

End your marriage/romance

Destroy your friendships/working relationships

Stunt your career and thus your financial growth

Land you in jail

Cause you heavy fines and legal fees

Give you higher insurance rates and costs to repair property

Isolate you from your family

Isolate your family from others

Push you into long-term depression

Cause anxiety and panic attacks

Destroy your self esteem

Cause high blood pressure, heart attacks, strokes, etc.

Increase your medical bills (Dr. visits, medicine, surgery)

Cause drug and alcohol abuse

And maybe worst of all, it will keep you from being happy and fulfilled every day… like you deserve to be.

You Can Conquer Your Anger… Here's Living Proof

In January 2005, Vicki B. split with her husband of 12 years. What followed was a living nightmare.

Vicki went through two nasty custody battles over their two daughters… She lost all financial interest in the home they shared (which Vicki's parents loaned hundreds of thousands of dollars for - and never got back) and was suddenly faced with juggling a full-time job and being a single mother.

She was furious. Outraged. Infuriated.

Attorney's fees climbed to over $32,000. Her husband tried to convince the Family Court Services counselor she lacked "mental stability." He hid some of her most cherished family heirlooms.

Even worse, he badmouthed her so severely to their daughters, they frequently returned to her crying and begging not to have to go see him any more.

She was angry with everyone around her. Her husband. The courts. Her attorney. Her boss. And even her children.

She complained to everyone and anyone who would listen, wrote incessantly about her anger in her journal, found other ex-wives to commiserate with and basically fell apart.

Before it was over, she lost two years of her life to an all-consuming anger that destroyed everything in its path. She was helpless against her rage.

In his attempt to help, their court-ordered counselor tried to help Vicki understand that anger is actually addictive, and feeds off of itself to survive. In fact, it fires off the same neurons in the brain that gambling and chemical addictions do. He told her that focusing on the "injustice" she felt actually made her, at times, feel powerful. It made her feel like her life somehow had more meaning.

Vicki was addicted to an emotion that could have caused permanent, long-lasting damage to her body.

Unfortunately, knowing this didn't help. No matter how hard she tried to stop being so angry, she couldn't. And none of the advice her therapist gave her had any real results.

Then one day everything changed...

Vicki started using Anger Management Now! and ten days later, she amazed the counselor at how calm she was in the presence of her husband. Vicki's change was overwhelming and undeniable.

Her anger was literally evaporating.

And it was effortless...

It was designed to effortlessly alter the core beliefs, thought patterns and attitudes that create frustration, irritation, mild anger and even extreme rage, regardless of the cause or how long a person has had these patterns… even life-long anger.

"I played it at least three times a day every day for about ten days before our next co-parent counseling session. Within the first five minutes, the counselor looked at me and commented, "Vicki, you seem much more at ease this session. Has something changed for you?" I told him that his explanation of the damage that my anger was doing to me really hit home and that I was "trying out" some techniques to control my anger. I was embarrassed to admit that I was simply listening to Anger Management Now!

I continued to listen and found myself no longer engaging in battles with my ex husband. I quit writing about all of the rotten things he'd done or was doing in my journal. I stopped talking to friends and family about how horrible things were, and was able to actually say that we were no longer fighting!

At the next session with the counselor, he'd noticed that my ex was calmer, too. By controlling MY anger, HE was calming down too! Partly because he no longer had a sparring partner, but at that next meeting, my ex admitted that he was so surprised by my turnaround that he wasn't going to let me "out-do" him. The old, angry Vicki would have been angered and insulted by his comment, but I just laughed. And that was when I confessed to using your CD.

By the next session, we were smiling and discussing the summer schedule and working together. And I owe a HUGE part of that to Anger Management Now!

My daughters are no longer edgy when either of us calls the other household, my family says I no longer look stressed, and even at work recently, someone commented, 'Gosh, Vicki, nothing really sets you on fire, does it?'

Thank you so much."

Vicki B.

Next, I'd like to take a look at the feelings of anger. Do you believe that the feelings of anger are bad? Most do, and that is why I often see many men and women who get stuck there because they don't want to face it. The fear is that if we look anger in the eye, we'll turn into a raving lunatic and stay angry forever. I can almost sense that in the urgency of your question.

The truth is that anger is neither good nor bad. We have a tendency to put judgments on our emotions and say that happiness is good, but anger is bad; peacefulness is the best, loneliness is the worst of all. But who says? Many have used their anger to inspire them to change the world in one way or another by doing what they could to right the wrongs, to find the courage to speak up, and to motivate them to reach out to others feeling the same way.

A simple question for you to ponder is this: What are you really angry about? Do your best to narrow it down and not just say the whole situation. What is it about the situation that is getting under your skin right now (knowing that this will change maybe from day to day or minute to minute.) ? When you discover the answer, then decide what you want to do about it. If there really is nothing to do, then ask yourself this: What would it be like if I could let go of this anger? How would I be different? How would I feel? How would I react the next time this issue comes up?

Your anger can be a positive energy that stirs within you the ability to create changes. Your anger can also be something you choose to let go of, so that you can use that energy in other ways. Use it or lose it - the choice is yours.

I've considered the extreme on occasion but my children are the only thing that keeps me from doing that. I don't know where to turn to for any help. After 2 years of this, no one wants to listen to it anymore. I'm at the very lowest of the bottom of the barrel and I can't get out. I pray to God for help, forgiveness, patience, and just a little break. Who can help me?

Here is an exercise that I did for me that really supported me in moving past the anger towards acceptance. Lay in bed one night all alone in the peace and quiet of the darkness and ask yourself this question: "What would it be like if I could move past this anger and accept that this is what my life looks like right now?" Be with it for awhile, and notice how you feel. What would it be like?

From there, when you begin to feel the lightness and relief that comes with acceptance, ask yourself this: "If I could accept this, what I do differently? How would I act? How would I move forward with my new life?"

Do that, and then I'd love to hear from you again on what you discovered for yourself. The only one who is holding you back is YOU, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you'll be able to move forward.

At the same time, I'm hearing that you do want to get past this in a healthy way, and you are wondering about sharing these feelings with your ex. In a word - don't! It will accomplish nothing except to feed the anger and resentment inside of you. It's over and the needs inside of you, whether they are to be heard, validated, acknowledged, respected, will go unmet.