I am only 18 years old and I love men (pretty much all kinds).. I always go for the older guys whose ages range from 21-28.

When I was growing up I never even met my father, so I never got a "fathers love". I was also very fat and shy as a child. Boys never showed any attention to me when I was really young.
I started losing weight when I was 14 all the way up until now. When I was 13, I weighed about 210 lbs and now I am about 140 lbs. I am still losing weight and it seems like with every pound that comes off, a new man comes into my life. I both love it and hate it at the same time.

I know I am easy. I don't like that about myself at all. I try not to be. I just want to feel loved so much that I am willing to give myself to just about anyone who is willing to hold me and tell me I am beautiful. I have been told by many friends and family members that I have grown into a very beautiful young lady, so I don't at all think I am ugly.

Sometimes I still think I am way too fat. I hate the way my body looks naked, but I love it when a guy says my body is sexy or beautiful. I hate to admit it but it gives me quite a high. I don't like sex all that much, but at the same time I LOVE it. I get off by knowing that a guy is getting off from being with me.

I have been hurt by so many men and have cried over guys that never really cared about me at all, but I didn't realize that at the time. Help, I don't know how to fix myself. I just want that amazing feeling that men give me.

I want a boyfriend, but no one wants to be in a relationship with me because I am willing to just be a booty call for them. Even though I know that, I continue to allow them to use me. Why would they want to put their time and energy into a long term relationship when they can have their way with me by simply calling me sweetie.

Down deep I realize I let men use me. I hate myself when I think about what I let guys put me through. I hurt so much sometimes, and then I just go looking for a new man. I hate it but I have no idea how to change.

Hi,

I understand what you are sharing is very private and painful. It seems like you have many of the answers but refuse to trust what your mind is telling you. You are experiencing he same negative results time after time. You are not seeing any long term

Relationship on the front because of the bad choices you keep making. There is hope at the end of the tunnel. The more men you sleep with, the more the chance there is of your getting a sexually transmitted disease or pregnant. Do you have any female friends that are older than you that you could confide in? I'm actually speaking of some family members like a grandmother or aunt. I am referring to someone you can trust to help you and give you good advice.

Do you know anyone that is a Christian? If you do not have a church home, or do not go to a particular church, try to find one that has a good singles group. Try talking to the Pastors wife or Female leader in the church that has a strong relationship with the Lord. They can and will help you and show you love, the right kind that can fill that empty hole you are feeling the need to fill.

God is your answer. He can love you more than any man and he won't want sex with you. He won't throw you away either.

He says he will never leave or forsake you. In the church you will make good clean friends and have healthy male/female relationships that will last. Those men are not looking for sex if they love the Lord really. I promise you if you start reading a bible that they will give you for free and let them help you read a daily message or devotional, you will find the desire for men will go away.

Why would you want a man that will use you and throw you away. God sees you and other Christian Men will see you as a diamond, something special that they will not want to take advantage of. Church singles departments are co-ed. They go to lunch together on Sunday's after church and on outings on weekends, Friday nights and Saturday's. They do not have sleep over's unless the girls bunk together separate from the guys. There are man fine looking men in the church and they are responsible. They want to get married and raise a family. They are looking for a woman for keeps.

If you make a serious effort to give God your heart and stay close to the church and other Christians, you will see how easy it is to do the right thing rather than the wrong thing. Hang out with Christian girls who will show you how easy it is to do the right thing. I know you will have much success. I promise if you try it you will succeed and make a lot of good friends at the same time. Friends are much more valuable than lovers. I never go to bars but meet a lot of great guys that I consider my best friends who would not even dream of using me or having sex with me. Hold back on sex and you will see the right relationship turn into something special.

Best Wishes

Bev