During the summer of 1977, our family had the privilege of fulfilling a dream toward which we had planned and worked for years. We took a leave of absence from our Youth for Christ ministry and went to Francis Schaeffer's L'Abri in Switzerland to study for two months. Then we toured twelve countries for a month in a battered VW van.
On our return home, our seven-year-old son's friend said, very seriously, "You shouldn't have gone to Europe. You missed great fireworks on the Fourth of July!"
The significance of this incident was that our neighbor had not been on vacation for years. His folks spent every day off making the latest improvement on their house or yard-including a large and costly addition. Jeff's friend was accumulating lots of gadgets and toys, but his experiences were generally limited to shopping or trips to Grandma's house nearby.
At Christmastime and on birthdays, we chose to limit our shopping to a couple of well-chosen toys plus necessities, then set aside some of our money to make memories-to give our children learning experiences that will help them for a lifetime.
Why experiences rather than things? Experiences often teach bigger lessons about life. They expose a child to people, God's creation, geography, events, culture-and they enable the child to respond. Things such as toys, video games, TV, dolls, clothes, cars, and stereos can be manipulated for self-gain and may tend to feed that old covetous nature that Christ came to destroy. We must avoid at all costs the ethic that says, "Work, work, work to get, get, get."
Experiences take time that would otherwise be spent working with inanimate objects. Experiences help a child explore his outer world. Experiences teach one to give as well as to receive. They create memories, many of which can be captured on film. They yield teaching moments in abundance, many of which have spiritual applications.
Experiences often bring about problems with relationships, schedules, and plans that need solutions. They teach us through breakdowns, changes, disappointments, delays, anticipation, and even physical and emotional pain. They require moral decisions and value judgments that usually aren't necessary when dealing only with material objects. Experiences also teach tolerance, trust, patience, acceptance, and compassion.
When we lived in Denver, we climbed some of the beautiful Colorado Rockies as a family. One time when Art and our son Jeff climbed rugged Mount Quandary, Jeff, who was nine, sat down 300 yards from the top and refused to move another inch. Art sat down beside him and explained, "The top of the mountain is like a goal in life. Sometimes we are tempted to quit when the going gets tough as we approach our goal. But just as Christ didn't quit when He went to the cross, so God doesn't want us to quit in the race of life." At that point, Jeff got up and proceeded toward the top. He learned a big lesson that day about not giving up.
When our children were second-graders, we started them on private music lessons with the best teachers we could find. It cost a lot of money for our tight budget, but the experiences of practicing, recitals, and contests brought discipline and structure to their lives in addition to developing their talent. We found a retirement home nearby and visited some of the residents. The children later played their music in an effort to reach out to these elderly shut-ins.
Sometimes our family devotions were turned into the experiences of acting out various Bible stories. Deanna and Jeff remember these stories in greater detail as a result.
Our family has really enjoyed food over the years. We have all learned to enjoy Lois's experimenting with new recipes. Because of this and many eating experiences on trips, at church, at camp, or in others' homes, our kids enjoy a wide variety of foods.
On many occasions our family toured art, science, and transportation museums as well as historical sites. When we visited Boston, we took the children through a flute factory so Deanna could see how her flute was constructed.
We rarely turned down an invitation to visit others. On these occasions we would take sleeping bags and put the kids to bed in our friends' homes. They became quite flexible and could sleep nearly anywhere. We tried to have friends in our home at least once a week when the children were growing up. They got used to meeting new people and interacting with them.
In addition to YFC functions, our many church experiences-Sunday School, morning worship, evening service, children's choir, Pioneer Girls, and Boys' Brigade-provided beneficial spiritual and social interaction and a broader view of the body of Christ.
Our vacations have been among our most memorable experiences. There was the old cabin in the Montana woods where we picked huckleberries, hauled our own water, and fought off the mice. There was jeeping in Colorado's San Juan Mountains and running the rapids down the Roaring Fork River. We have slides of our many family vacations that help us relive the great times together.
You may ask how we accomplished all these experiences financially. Many of our experiences were free-picnics, walks, hikes, discussions, drama, church, prayer, etc. We sometimes shared expenses with other families. On vacations we learned how to eat cheap, stay with friends, or rent cabins with off-season rates. In Europe we slept in our VW van or stayed in "bed-and-breakfast inns" to keep the costs down. We skimped and saved and borrowed and went without things we might normally have purchased. We drove smaller used cars and purchased a home that fit our budget. But we never took money away from our tithes and offerings to the Lord's work.
But there were also many negative experiences that taught us much: broken relationships, accidents, bussing, not making the team, the deaths of close friends, financial setbacks, illnesses, and other traumatic times. Each of these situations provided an opportunity of ministering to one another to facilitate the healing process.
One of our most memorable experiences cost nothing. It happened soon after we moved to our home in Columbus, Ohio. After eating a nice dinner together, our family moved from room to room throughout the house, praying for the Lord to bless every activity that would occur in each room. And He did!
You'll never regret giving up some things in order to give your children experiences that will last a lifetime.
