"The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down" (Prov. 14:1).

I've been counseling hurting, confused wives for years, and have found emotional motivation to be a major issue in marriages.

Because our brains are wired differently, women are far more attuned to emotions and feelings than men are. Normally this is an advantage. It benefits them as mothers, as friends, and even in the workplace.

But sometimes the powerful pull that emotions have on women can cause problems in a marriage. They let their fears and feelings have too much control over their behavior. They may read and hear what the Bible says they should do, but they struggle to obey because those truths conflict with the internal guidance of their emotions.

And it's not just women. Men let their feelings get the best of them, too.

Think back to the Garden of Eden. God forbade Adam and Eve from eating the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Because they didn't cling to the truth God had commanded.

Satan convinced them God's words were untrue.

Eve heard the soothing, self-exalting words of the devil and saw the beauty of the fruit. She desired it. Adam did, too. Both Adam and Eve trusted their feelings more than God's instruction.

They made a terrible mistake. The result brought destruction to their lives, marriage, and the lives of their children and descendants. That's a high price to pay for following your feelings!

Many of the people locked away in prison are there because they did what they felt like doing rather than following the law. And many people in destructive marriages today are living in misery, too. Not because there's no way out, but because they refuse to take action contrary to their feelings.

Don't get me wrong. God designed us to experience emotions. Feelings are good and helpful. But they are unreliable. They're a bad source of permanent direction.

When we allow our feelings to dictate the way we behave, we live on a roller coaster of ups and downs. We live in a constant state of insecurity and confusion.

Ask yourself the following questions:

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Have I ever let my feelings keep me from forgiving my spouse?

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Have I ever let my feelings keep me from serving my spouse or showing love?

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Have I ever said something deliberately hurtful to my spouse because of my feelings?

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Have I ever let the emotions of anger, resentment, or bitterness cause me to take revenge on my spouse or harm my marriage?

Feelings are a necessary part of being a human, and they are God-given. But don't let them keep you from doing the right thing in your marriage.

Feelings make a great caboose, but a terrible engine. Make God's Word the engine to motivate your actions now, and you will find that proper feelings will follow.

Have you noticed a trend lately?

Maybe it's less prevalent in the more conservative, traditional parts of our nation. But I've heard from a number of women who've encountered a troubling tendency for our culture to look down on domestically centered women.

As if there's something unfortunate - or even backward - about the idea of a stay-at-home mom or a full-time homemaker.

This is shameful. I've said it before and I'll say it again: a woman who is a good homemaker and mother is doing a great service to God, her husband, her children, her community and society at large.

In my marriage counseling, I've noticed that, as more women transition from home-centered to career-centered lives, they experience less personal satisfaction.

Much of this comes from a sense of guilt when a mother must leave her children with a babysitter or day care. No matter how excellent the temporary caregiver is, that mother instinctively knows she needs to be with the children herself.

I am not saying that a working woman can't be a good mother, and I realize that many moms work because they don't have a choice. In today's economy, having the option to work or stay home is definitely a luxury.

I do not wish to condemn mothers who work, because many, many working women are wonderful wives and mothers. But the truth is that the more a woman detaches herself from a nurturing, caring home environment, the less satisfaction she'll derive from life.

What's the answer? It's not for a woman to be confined to a house all day unless she's running family-related errands. I'm not saying that at all. The answer is for a woman to strive to keep her attention focused on her home - while carefully monitoring her activities outside the home - so the family unit benefits from her care and attention.

Another reason women are less satisfied when they become detached from the home is that women have a natural desire to be provided for by their husbands. Many women love to volunteer for church or charity activities. They may seek a job to make extra money.

But they do not appreciate being forced to carry the financial burden of the household.

When a husband is not (praying) and leading his wife properly in this way, it results in an emotional void. The severity of this void varies, but one thing is common: Women feel insecure when they are not being taken care of properly by responsible male leadership.

And when this type of male leadership isn't present or available, don't blame the woman. Blame the man who is not following God's plan for him to love his wife as Christ loves the Church (Eph. 5:25).

If men led like they should, women would be more secure, families would be stronger, and marriages would be healthier.

Blessings,