There comes a time in every life, that we deal with the reality of life's natural course, and knowing it ends with our death or that of a family member. This becomes very real, when we, or someone we love, has a terminal illness.

It is wise to have a discussion and follow through getting affairs in order. Life at times does not always provide an opportunity to plan for an unexpected event, one that can take the life of any one of us. It is those in our family that need the security and the peace of mind. Legal affairs that are in order will be something for which your family will be grateful.

This is a difficult time for all the family, in that their acceptance levels, and the way in which they react to the potential of loss, will differ from person to person. Each one of the family is important, and many forget that the process of loss isn't the same for everyone.

When counseling someone that knows that they are going to die, making them psychologically as comfortable as they can be given the circumstances is important. Many patients are afraid, and exploring areas of fear with them helps them in the acceptance process. Human beings that know they are going to die need time to prepare and don't always have that time. Counseling a terminally ill patient and their family, can best be done by the professionals that are available and specialize in this field.

However, the reinforcement of the day to day needs can be done best by those closest to the patient.

Counseling a terminally ill patient is about being sensitive to them. Being aware, that dying is real with the ambivalence, that is part of the process. If the course of the disease has left them frail, and in pain. They may welcome death as relief. The greatest pain they may feel now is leaving the ones they love.

The aggressive care a patient has received during an illness has already taken a toll on a family as well as the patient. They may well, have used all of their physical and emotional reserves. It is most often the love of our family and friends that supports us during an illness and at this time.

It is a normal response during a terminal illness, to have some problems with anxiety, agitation and depression caused by the progression of the illness and the challenges related to its management. It is important to have good medical care <http://www.helium.com/items/804555-counseling-terminally-ill-patients-and-their-families> for the optimum management and better quality of life, for a terminally ill patient.

There is in place in most hospitals today is a multi disciplined team approach for the care of the terminally ill. Social workers can and do support and counsel patients and family. Counseling is woven into the routine <http://www.helium.com/items/804555-counseling-terminally-ill-patients-and-their-families> interventions whenever possible. Help them by trying to find those things that they want to finish, because by doing this, you are aiding them in the preparation process. They may be simple things that they have left undone, although when problems are resolved, the terminal patient can go through a lot less stress. Ask them if there are things that they need sorted out. Look at the practicalities of those tasks and try and get something sorted, and here you can use family <http://www.helium.com/items/326013-counseling-terminally-ill-patients-and-their-families> members, because by doing so, you are giving them some purpose and aim that will distract them from their own needs during the illness period.

If they need someone to be there because they are afraid, try and arrange with the family for someone to be there night and day, even if they have to do it in shifts, because the comfort that this gives a person at a time in their lives when they may need moral support and someone to distract them from inward thought is extremely valuable.

Assess each case differently because each person differs, and if a person prefers to be private then this should be respected. Privacy is vital to some people, who may not want the fuss of people around them, although learning to recognize which needs really matter is difficult, as some will present those signs as mixed signals, in a self sacrifice kind of way where they actually do want those people they love with them, but don't want their loved ones to be saddened by what is going on.

The family will need to know what to expect. Many cannot cope because they don't know what to expect, how long life is expected to be sustained, etc., and being informed really does help them to make arrangements and to feel useful. For those members of the family who feel they are lost because of what is going on, giving practical jobs to do for the patient that is dying will keep them from thinking about their own needs. People can grieve after someone has died. While the patient is alive, keeping them as the priority is essential. Not everyone believes in the after life or God.

People have doubts and no-one can force someone to accept things that they have spent a lifetime resisting, although the offer of having religious counseling should be put to the family and to the patient. Priests are accustomed to dealing with death and can be extremely useful to talk to the patient or the family and help them through this awful time in their lives. We are all going to die, though putting that person who is terminally ill first, we are able to learn acceptance, and one of the most essential parts of family history that makes death harder is conflict. If family members can be talked into resolving conflict, this helps the patient but also helps those that are left behind.

Above all, respect the dying. One day, you will be there, and you should always treat those who are dying in a manner that you, yourself, would find comforting, and take each case as you find it, giving as much solace as you are able to both the patient and the family.

As for counseling the terminally ill and their families, all another person can do is to try to make the passage easier for all. If the family is religious, an ordained person of their faith can help in the traditional way, and serve as a calming influence with prayer and encouragement. Some hospitals, nursing homes <http://medical-issues.helium.com/topic/7845-nursing-homes> and hospices also offer in-house religious and professional counselors who've had extensive experience with death and dying.

If it is an old friend visiting the terminal patient, talking about old times and adventures can help bring some much-needed humor into an otherwise sad room. If the patient or family request it, small children can also help brighten up the room. However, parents should first consider the possible trauma it could cause the children to be exposed to such a situation.

We all face that time when we'll be in the same situation. We can hope those we love will be with us for those final moments, and they will get the emotional help they need to get back to their own lives.

Families <http://www.helium.com/items/329023-counseling-terminally-ill-patients-and-their-families>

of the terminally ill usually need more help than the terminally ill themselves. It appears that the families hang around in the denial stage until they are shocked out of that, often they simply lie to themselves about what's going on until they are forced to face it. If you know a family member of someone who is terminally ill, you should speak with them, most assuredly they will either a) fall apart or b) claim that things are going really well and they are fine. It's the people that fall into the second category that need to talk about it the most.

It's really important to be open, honest, and listen. Whether you're talking to the patient or the family <http://www.helium.com/items/329023-counseling-terminally-ill-patients-and-their-families>. Ask questions if you don't understand, generally the person who is ill is more than willing to fill you in. What you shouldn't do is act pitying, especially not to the patient. We don't want your pity. If you want to listen to us, great, but please do not say "awww, I'm so sorry." Think about what you're saying, are you sorry or are you just happy it isn't you or your spouse?

That probably seems quite unfair but if you think about it, it's true. It's a bit like saying the dead "look so peaceful" when really, they just look very dead. The families of the terminally ill and the patients <http://www.helium.com/items/329023-counseling-terminally-ill-patients-and-their-families> too, tend to run through the normal stages of grief <http://crisis-support.helium.com/topic/8086-stages-of-grief>. Expect a terminally ill patient to suffer from depression and isolate themselves, usually it does end eventually. When they are isolating themselves, try to make contact, but don't force the issue. When the family or the patient decides to do something off the wall and you just can't understand it, smile and know that they are doing something important to them for whatever their reason.

The most important thing about dealing with the terminally ill is to remember that it is okay to laugh about it. When your terminally ill friend is at a party <http://www.helium.com/items/329023-counseling-terminally-ill-patients-and-their-families> at your house with their spouse and they joke about scouting members of the opposite sex to replace them when they die, laugh along or at least smile. There's nothing worse than someone who can't take a joke.

As a family member or friend of a terminally ill patient, you can be there for them. With gentle hugs and silent moments, your presence means more than words can ever say. Your presence providing comfort, support, and the unconditional love. That is our last gift to one another.