Although I'd had an interest as a girl in God. Although I'd gone to an after school group that taught me more about Him. Although I remember well looking out the window one morning and seeing the willow tree at school in all its splendor. That was as a result of the school teacher discussing creation. I wasn't brought up in a Christian home and in fact it was shunned to show an interest in God in my home.
Before telling you about the next part of my story I have to tell you I didn't have any friends at school. At primary school the children would tease and bully me. By the time I got to high school I was pretty much of a loner. I didn't like being lonely but I didn't like the way children seemed to tease me either.
When I started working I made friends with what I considered to be my first real friend. She was 10 years older than me but she befriended me and was like a big sister to me. She was kind, wise and caring. At 19 I left that job and moved on to other things. I vowed to stay in touch with her, but unfortunately didn't.
In about March of 1990 I was staying the night at my parents and upon waking in the morning my father offered me the newspaper to read while I had my breakfast. I opened the newspaper in the kitchen and stared at the paper. Wham!!! I screamed. I couldn't touch my breakfast.
I asked why he (my father) hadn't told me what was on front page, I asked him how he could have done this to me. I cried and was shocked. Dad wondered what the heck had happened but knew I'd discovered something awful.
He lead me into the diningroom where my mother asked what was the matter. I told them the photo on the front page of the newspaper (of a person in a body bag and under that a smaller photo) was that of none other than my dear friend. They apologized saying, "they had known the name seemed familiar but they were unsure who it was."
That murder and day begin a change in me, that was so profound. It started a chain of events that would radically change my life. I began to isolate myself not wanting to see people. As time went by I might have appeared normal on the outside, but on the inside I was hurting. I got stuck in grief. There wasn't a week that went by when I didn't cry about what had happened. This continued for some years.
Then one day, when I was at one of my lowest moments, I saw a bible in a drawer under my bed. It had always been there but I hadnt bothered much with it. It transformed me that evening. I went from crying to being ok in a mere fifteen minutes. I don't remember what I read. I wish I did. All I know is it made a difference. This difference amazed me.
So, I called my sister and told her what had taken place. She was dating what would later become her husband. He was a Christian and she was attending church regularly with him. They invited me to come to church with them. I accepted.
That first Sunday we went to their Church, It was than that I had an encounter with the Lord. I was looking at the overhead projector screen and we were singing a song. I saw a vision on it that as far as I know no one else saw (not my brother in law anyway - I asked him later). It was Jesus with an out stretched hand.
After that, we often went to church together. My sister, her boyfriend (later to become my brother in law) and my daughter. They were great times. After a while, we started going to a church nearer to my home. After church each Sunday we would go back to my future brother in laws home and have Sunday lunch followed by a restful Sunday.Time went by and I moved away and started attending another church.
My children and I attended a church in Woolston. At that time I lived with my dad. He wouldn't go, but it didn't stop us. God also helped me while I was there, living with my dad. My dad was abusive he would belittle me in the supermarket. He would throw things like plates across the room at home. We argued. He played with my mind and my feelings. I put up with this for a long time.
One day we were arguing and he pushed me backwards with his hand on my chest across the room until I ended up falling down on the couch. While he only touched me once, it was enough. He left and I started making plans to move. As he was leaving I heard a voice in my heart.
The voice told me exactly what to do. It wasn't my oldest sons father, as he was gone at this time. And this voice was kind of different. Within days I went to an outer country area of Canterbury and stayed with relatives of his.
Unbeknown to all of my family especially my dad, (he never saw the end coming) I called womens refuge center and left. My father was too abusive. I feel like God spoke to me and told me to leave for the sake of myself and my children!!!
After I left My dad and moved back to Auckland we continued to go to church. At first we went back to to the first church I had attended but this was difficult. I had to depend on public transport and it was hard on a Sunday.
I started attending a playground for the children that was run out of a church. It was run by a pastors wife and some other women. It wasnt long before I was invited to try their church. This became my church home for the next 7 years. It is where I would confirm my faith and be baptized on the 17th of May 1998, a day before my 28th birthday.
Over the years I have made mistakes. I have done things I am not proud of. I believe it took me 8 years to finally grow in my faith and give myself to the Lord because I didnt feel worthy enough.
It took me quite a while to accept the free offer of grace. I couldnt fathom how God could love me enough. I had (at the time 2 children to 2 different fathers), I didnt pray much. I hardly ever read the bible, I had had a baby out of wedlock. And so the list went on.
I didn't think I deserved to be forgiven for any of it. But I learned that thats what's so amazing about grace and God.
This church was very supportive over the years. Financing me when I decided to buy a car. Helping me move to my house. They were my church family.
In 2005 I moved here to the Bay. At first we looked around for a church. We went to one for a while and its still where I go for My Little Mans playgroup. Then on Sunday, January 22, 2006 we started attending the Anglican church we still go, after a dinner here at home with a friend, a lovely Christian lady who goes there and invited us.
We have made many friends thorough it since. I help with the youth group once or twice a month. I look after the preschoolers in their class every 1st and 3rd Sunday. This church is aimed at younger people and has an excellent children's program. Believe it or not, my Dad attends the youth group to help out. It is good for him. I believe going to this church connected me with my ancestors as they were Anglicans.
God also reminded me to lean on Him last year. Last year was a difficult one for us. We were betrayed badly by a very close family member. Mr Wonderful could have innocently ended up doing time for a crime he didnt commit.
As we were going though this harsh experience God reminded me to lean him. He comforted me. He reminded me He will always be right there. He knows our whole life and his timing is so perfect. Since then, he has been the answer for me and changed my whole life.
No matter what is going on in your life, may I encourage you to give God a try. You probably have tried many other things and none of them worked but for a moment. In the end you were still empty and hurting. I know he personally loves you and has a great plan for your life, if you will just give him a chance like I did.
