If you're a single parent, you may have to deal with an ex-spouse who isn't very involved in your child's life. How you explain the situation to your child is important. Try following this advice:
Realize that no matter what you do, you can't force your child's other parent to be involved.
Although having both parents involved, it's not everything. As a good parent, you don't need the other parent in order to raise your child in a quality fashion.
Forcing a reluctant parent to talk on the phone will only confuse your child.
If you try to force a relationship with a parent who doesn't want one, your child is bound to feel disappointed and rejected.
Don't talk negatively about your child's other parent, but don't glorify them, either.
Leave the door open for responsible contact between the other parent and your child.
5 STEPS TO GOOD PARENTING
Wondering if there is anything else you can do? Here we have outlined five steps that can help bring you and your child closer together:
1. Plug In
Make a conscious decision to plug into your kid's world. You can't make assumptions about the critical choices that children have to make today because the world they are living in is different from the one you grew up in.
2. Spread the Word
When you talk to your children you've got to spread out your logic so that they can see why you're saying what you're saying. Research shows us that the amount of trouble kids get into is inversely proportional to the number of words spoken in the home. What that means is, the less you talk at home, the more trouble they get in outside the home.
3. Talk About Things That Don't Matter
How do you ever expect to talk to them about things that do matter if you haven't practiced by talking about things that don't?
4. Remember, You're the Parent
Children have lots of friends who tell them what they want to hear. They don't need you to be another friend. They need you to be an authority figure who lets them know where the boundaries of acceptable behavior are. Trying to be his or her friend will only undermine your authority as a parent and come back to bite you.
5. Allow Them A Sense of Mastery
You have to put your kids in a world where they feel a sense of mastery over their own environment. It's important that they don't feel they're subject to arbitrary guidance or haphazard decisions.
STOP SPOILING YOUR CHILDREN
Over-indulgence is one of the most insidious forms of child abuse. Here is a perspective that might help you stop.
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Your primary job as a parent is to prepare your child for how the world really works. In the real world, you don't always get what you want. You will be better able to deal with that as an adult if you've experienced it as a child.
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If your parent/child relationship is based on material goods, your child won't have the chance to experience unconditional love.
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Be a good role model. "We're not the only influence in our kids' lives, so we better be the best influence."
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Redefine what taking care of your children means. Are you providing for them emotionally and spiritually? You need not buy them material goods in order to create a bond. Instead of tangible gifts, how about spending some time together? Be careful that you aren't teaching them that emotions can be healed by a trip to the mall.
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Don't let your guilt get in the way of your parenting. "Your job as a parent is not to make yourself feel good by giving the child everything that makes you feel good when you give it. " Your job as a parent is to prepare your child to succeed in school and when they get out into the world. "Kids have to be socialized in a way that they understand you work hard for what you get." You don't want to teach your child that they will get everything through manipulation, pouting, crying, door slamming and guilt induction.
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Make sure your children aren't defining their happiness and their status in the world as a function of what they wear or drive. Sit down with them and have a one-on-one conversation about what really defines their worth - their intelligence, their creativity, their caring, their giving, their work ethic, etc. If you spent equal time sitting down and talking to them about what really mattered as you do shopping, you might be able counterbalance the countless images they see telling them otherwise.
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Understand "intrinsic" versus "extrinsic" motivation. Intrinsic motivation is when people do things because they feel proud of themselves when they do it. They feel a sense of accomplishment and achievement. Extrinsic motivation is when someone does something because of external motivation. For example, if they are promised they will receive money, a toy or a priviledge if they do the task, that can be a problem. If you are always rewarding your child with material things, they will never learn how to motivate themselves with internal rewards like pride. They also will never learn to value things because there are so many things and nothing is special.
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Make sure your child understands the value of hard work. Tell your children, 'If you make Cs, you're going to have a C standard of living. If you make Bs, you're going to have a B standard of living. If you make As, you're going to have an A standard of living.'"
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If a child aspires to be successful that it's not a bad goal, but it takes a lot of hard work to get there. "The difference between winners and losers is winners do things losers don't want to do. And that's work hard to get ready to be a star."
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If your child idolizes a celebrity, ask them why. One example of that is a child who looks up to rich girls like Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. "Ask what have either of them ever done, except spend money that they got from somebody else? Ask what is it you're looking up to?"
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Your child does not have to love you every minute of every day. They'll get over the disappointment of having been told "no." But he won't get over the effects of being spoiled.
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Help your child set goals. Teach him/her that striving to own nice things is fine if they understand how much hard work it takes to afford that, and then doesn't base his/her self-worth around what she buys.
