"I have a good relationship, but sometimes I wonder if we're really as connected as I'd like to be. He says I'm too needy, and I don't know what to think," Jamie said sadly, her voice sounding more and more hollow.

"I've tried to tell Brian we could have so much more in our marriage," she continued, as she glanced around my counseling office, "but he seems satisfied with the way things are. It's frustrating."

"Negative Thinking" (also called false or irrational beliefs, unrealistic expectations, self-defeating attitudes, unjustified negative explanations, or illogical conclusions) is powerful because how a partner perceives and interprets what the other does can be far more important in determining marital satisfaction than those actions themselves.

Negative thinking occurs when a spouse consistently believes that the motives of the other are more negative than is really the case. In other words, a husband or wife interprets the

The email call header read like many others I routinely receive.

I opened the message and read exactly what I had anticipated. Donald, a man apparently in his late thirties and married fifteen years, had been told earlier that day that his wife wanted a separation. He asked if I would call immediately.

As I read on, it was clear

Solomon had it right: "Walk with the wise and you will become wise." (Proverbs 13: 20) Likewise, hanging out with fools often leads to us behaving foolishly, or, at least feeling a bit crazy.

This advice seems simple enough-associate with wise people. Look for people in your world who have made mistakes, but have learned from them. Seek counsel from those who have paid attention to Scriptural principles, applying them to their daily lives. Learn from people who have stable lives, not ones that are chaotic and disorderly.

My computer is magical. When I turn it off at night it remembers all of my settings, and every morning when I wake it up it looks just the way I left it the night before. How does it do that?

I'm told by my tech-savvy friends that computers have "defaults" built into them that if left alone, will make my computer function with little input from me. I can change those "defaults," but if left alone can expect them to run with little maintenance.

Our brains function much the same

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. is a lot more than a song belted out by Aretha Franklin. It is actually one of the most powerful concepts and principles for creating a healthy, Biblical marriage.

Consider what the Apostle Paul says about respect. "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish

Many seem to feel the freedom to tell us what we ought to think, how we ought to behave and even what we ought to feel. They know what's best for us and exactly how we should live our lives.

These people are not evil, and I doubt that they have bad intentions. They are our sisters, brothers, mothers and fathers, neighbors and sit next to us in church. Having questionable boundaries, and believing they have special insight into our lives, they share freely with us.

Resentment can be a very informative emotion. Resentment tells us about our core expectations, and can also enlighten us as to what is taking place, and what isn't, in our relationships.

I receive many emails from women who are resentful of their husbands for giving too little. Harriet Lerner, in her book The Dance

We often become angry and hostile towards others who mistreat us, and so we should. We often feel helpless to end chaotic relationships, believing we are at the mercy of their actions. It is one thing to feel hurt and angry by what is taking place in your marriage, but there is added pain if you feel helpless to stop your suffering. But, are you

"What about the way she treats me?" Ken said angrily, looking to me for help. His girlfriend, Elizabeth, had just shared her frustrations with him during their counseling session.

Elizabeth winced as Ken continued to escalate.

"I don't know why it's always about what I've done wrong. How can she sit here and go